Big Slick, Small Money

I'll Make This Quick

2009-07-27T18:43:00.002-04:00

Online Poker is Rigged

The Pole is Up!

2009-07-16T13:13:00.011-04:00

Misspelling intentional, a homage to the overwhelming plethora of male anatomy references used whilst labelling our league seasons.

Anyway, look to your right and vote for something or write in your own, since all the choices are so lame anyway.

The Season of the Which?

2009-07-13T16:09:00.006-04:00

Don't know when you'll see another one of these again but the return of the formerly known as "Burnley Poker League" has prompted me to spew again for a few moments. Well, it's not the return of the league in itself, more so it is what I feel is a lack of a proper name.

Our resident Poet Laureate Brian "Kramer" Moran has dubbed the revival of our beloved card competition as the "RezErection". I feel that falls a bit short. It's something I would expect to see in huge "No Fear" style letters in the back window of a Gastonia Honda Civic. No offense Kramer, you have entertained the world for years with your literary masterpieces but this time I feel we may want to give the naming of season 7 another chance.

It is here, on Big Slick Small Money, I humbly propose the "Name Season 7 Contest". Please submit your proposals in the comment section and I will announce the candidates in a few short days. I will kick things off with the first submission:

Nate, in whatever stroke of insanity I can't imagine, has somehow convinced his wife April, who just happens to be well into her first pregnancy, to invite 30-40 sweaty beer guzzlers over to her house on a weekly basis to gamble and yell. It is for this reason I dub season 7:

"April's Fools"

I know, it sucks, but it should get a couple of you witty penmen to get the ball rolling. The winner gets a brand new wiffle ball, to be presented at the first game. Remember, if you leave an idea for a name in the comments, post w/ your name and not "anonymous". How else am I gonna know who wins the wiffle ball?

Pick 6!

2009-02-03T12:17:00.004-05:00

Yeah, it's been forever and a day since I've put anything up, and even much longer since I've posted anything worth reading. But the greatest franchise in sports notching Super Bowl win #6 obviously merits a return to the digital canvas. And, unlike the drama - devoid manner in which they cruised to SB win #5 three years ago, thankfully they screwed up just enough to make it a nail biter.

With a 10 point lead early in the 2nd half, I was starting to look around for someone to pass the time with $5 games of 9-ball. But, much to the ratings mavens and sports writers' delight, late in the 3rd quarter the Steelers stopped dancing who they came with and began to leave the middle of the field wide open for Larry Fitzgerald to wreak havoc among our secondary, the painted end zone grass, and the collective blood pressure of millions of Iron City swilling hard working Americans. Hmmmm, I remember throughout the playoffs seeing mayhem in the form of a myriad of exotic blitzes, where 6 or 7 guys coming from who-the-hell-knows-where routinely pummeled the opposing quarterback into well ground turf nuggets. Was Warner's quick release and the quality of the Arizona WRs enough to warrant rushing only 3 or 4 in an effort to negate the big play? How the hell should I know, I'm no Dick LeBeau, I'm just a guy from central PA with a poorly funded gambling habit and an voracious need to vicariously live through the acts of professional sports figures. I live in a cave, for chrissakes!

All I know is next thing we're down 23-20 and I'm shittin' bricks. The pool cue is in the rack, the Terrible Towel is in a white knuckle clutch, and the Sierra Nevadas are goin' down in alarming numbers. And I'm looking at Luckbox and she's showing a nervousness that I seldom ever see. The root cause undoubtedly a rather large bet on the Steelers -7 which she wisely hedged with an even larger bet on the money line. Me, I couldn't bring myself to bet on this game. The money line odds were shit, and I couldn't bear to bet the spread. The worst case scenario being the Steelers win but don't cover, and I have to sit there trying to figure out a way to be happy about it.

And, as you saw, that's exactly what happened. I went 3 for 3 betting on championship Sunday, won a donkey fest tournament later that night at the Luxor, and subsequently lost it all the next night in one hand at the Venetian. I wasn't about to let some mindless wagering get in my way of a good time. If the Steelers win, I'm dancin' on clouds, ridin' the range, and punchin' them dogies. If they lose, I'm finding a well traveled interstate on which to play hop-scotched whilst waiting to eat the business end of a west bound 18 wheeler.

You saw what happened. Ben threw to the "my guy or no guy" zone and Holmes made a catch that justifies the all the money he'll make his entire career. As incredible as that was, I believe that Harrison's 100 yard pick 6 to end the first half was the greatest play in Super Bowl history. Think about it. The Cardinals are about to take the lead, or at least tie the game, and more importantly, seize the momentum going into the 2nd half. Instead, this 265 lb freak steps up at the goal line, picks it off, runs the length of the field, and crosses the goal line by 2 inches with NO TIME left on the clock. If he gets tackled at the 1 it's a meaningless play. He knew it, and he showed us again why he is the Defensive Player of the Year.

Okay, enough ranting. Back to poker. I won a freeroll 54 man sitn'go at 3 am this morning while eating a bowl of ice cream. The next time something good happens on the felt, I swear I'll be back to say something.

You Won't Believe This

2008-07-31T14:13:00.004-04:00

I've tried to think of all sorts of funny shit to say about this one. I just keep typing and hitting backspace because nothing I can think of does justice to the hilarious level of stupidity achieved by the subject in the video. Just watch it, it speaks for itself.

Special thanks to Change100 for posting this over on Pot Committed.

I know all I've been doing is posting funny shit I've seen lately. That's because I have nothing to say about poker. For some reason my mind just isn't in it and my results certainly show that. For what it's worth I won 500 bones in a $50 online tourney the other night, lost half of it already, got raped at Harrah's in Nawlins', won some money in a few cash games, lost every race I've been in for 6 months, see people catch up to my straights with the same straight, a better one, or a flush, sweat my balls off, drink cheap beer, unsucessfully quit smoking, and generally play like I'm on 4 valiums waiting for a flight to Haiti.

Oh, that and I was busy for 2 months building a race car. The race was last weekend. Now THAT was fricken fun. Article to follow, in the meantime a teaser pic...

A little something I found....

2008-07-08T13:14:00.001-04:00

Now that's pretty funny.

Design the T-Shirt Contest

2008-06-08T14:16:00.003-04:00

Alright folks, Big Slick Small Money is obviously on the fast track to the upper echelon of the blogosphere. What with contests, auto racing (HUH?), and supposed give aways, it's almost as though I'm acting like this is an actual website. I've already promised the submitter of the winning "screen name of the week" will win a "Big Slick Small Money" T-shirt.

And because someone other than me submitted the last winner, I guess I better get to thinking about making those t-shirts. But in order to make a t-shirt, one must first have a logo (in the middle of this I am donking off hundreds of dollars in the dumbest cash game I have ever played, I hope the rest of this makes some goddamn sense, fuck!).

So, as to not drag this out any further (Bodog SUCKS!!@#$), we now have a "Design The T-Shirt" contest.

Mr. Ferrara has been kind enough to submit the first entry in the contest. It is shown above. If anybody out there has any artistic ability, please help us out.

24 Hours of LeMons

2008-06-08T12:27:00.004-04:00

Ain't been much posted about poker lately. While my buddies from Burnley have all been feverishly running satellites to get into one of the $1,500/$2,000 donkaments out at the world series, I have been preparing for a much more noble cause: The 24 Hours of LeMons. What? I'm donning a chapeau and offering very little resistance, you say? Going to the land of croissants, cigarettes, and meaningless political demonstrations? No, not LeMans, I said LeMOns as in "lemons". The "24 Hours of LeMons", what the hell is that?

The 24 Hours of LeMons is a celebration of the human spirit, the will to survive, to triumph, to overcome adversity, and to drink beer. In the words of founder and organizer Jay Lamm The 24 Hours of LeMons is.....

Nasty. Brutish. Not Short Enough.
The crowd. The spectacle. The pall of blue smoke and roasted clutch discs. In all motorsport, no event captures the universal human need to whale on old crapcans and hoover down greasy barbecue like the 24 Hours of LeMons.

Each LeMons race is for cars purchased, fixed up, and track-prepped for a total of 500 dollars or less. But before reaching the grid, you'll have to survive trials like the Personal-Injury-Lawyer Anti-Slalom, the Marxist-Valet Parking Challenge, and the Wide Open Throttle Rodthrowapalooza. Twelve hours into the race, the car voted People’s Choice is called in and awarded a cash prize; simultaneously, the car voted People’s Curse is called in and summarily destroyed. At the end of 24 hours, a gala awards ceremony plies the survivors with trophies, plaques, and four-figure purses in canvas bags full of nickels.

My team, Howard J. Turkstra Motorsports will be one of 90 teams participating in this racing extravaganza, to be held at Carolina Motorsports Park July 26th & 27th. We have located and are in negotiations to procure a 1984 Nissan 200SX. Once in our possession we will then gut the interior, knock out the glass and put in a roll cage and racing seat. We will scour various junkyards of the Carolinas in a veritable scavenger hunt for spare radiators, rear end assemblies, tires, alternators, and our long forgotten sanity. The race will encompass two full days, with teams of 4-6 drivers each taking turns chasing the rabbit in their juiced up jalopies around the 1.1 mile road course under the inevitably blazing sun.

The crowd is forecasted to be slightly less than the temperature is forecasted to be. BUT, the event will be covered by various grass roots racing magazines and websites so if you've got something you'd like to promote, sponsorship space on the car is still for sale but going fast. For more information email me at krhussey@hotmail.com

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke (1989)

Milfs by a Landslide

2008-05-28T13:14:00.004-04:00

In a landslide victory, "PocketMilfs" is this week's screen name of the week.Out of a whopping 6 votes, the mothers in your pocket received 4. JerrBudd submitted it so he'll get a "BigSlickSmallMoney" T-shirt when I start makin' em.

R.I.P Sydney Pollack

2008-05-28T12:57:00.003-04:00

Sydney Pollack died yesterday after a 9 month battle with cancer. He was one of my favorite directors and a hell of an actor. He was awesome in Michael Clayton, coining the classic line "He's an asshole...but he knows it." Eh, I got nothing else but I just wanted to pay homage to a genuine talent in that sea of shit known as Hollywood.

RIP Mr. Pollack

Some Hands are Just Unplayable

2008-05-22T14:21:00.004-04:00

I just beat some guy for about $75 on a $.50-$1.00 table (Hey! Don't laugh, you know the name of this place) because he's awful. He LIMPED in EARLY position with K-5 offsuit (not that suited would further justify this play). He bet, I raised, he went all in for his last $35.

He had a pair of kings with a 5 kicker on a 10-9-K board, all clubs.

I flopped a flush with 4-5 clubs.

Here's the bonus. He just re-loaded.

Thanks to these guys, we drink better beer.

We're Goin' Dancin' With Lord Stanley

2008-05-19T12:12:00.006-04:00

Well I'll be cow kicked, the Steel City juggernaut known as the Pittsburgh Penguins are once again going to the Stanley Cup! The Pens sent the Filthadelphia Flyers to an early tee time by destroying them 6-0 yesterday afternoon. It will take them years of self loathing and intense group therapy to recover from this monumental ass whooping.

By the way, that's $24 paid on a $20 bet on blowdog, I now not worry from where those next 6 gallons of gas are coming.

The Black and Gold simply looks unstoppable. They've got three bona fide superstars in Sydney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Marion Hossa. Those three alone have combined to score 59 points in only 14 playoff games (22 goals, 37 assists). With support from Ryan Malone, Jordan Stahl, Peter Sykora, and a defense that is suffocating the opposition, the Penguins are a complete team playing a complete game. In the rare occassion that the front 5 allow anyone near the net, 3rd year goalie Marc Andre Fleury has been damn near unbeatable with a Goals Against Average of 1.70 and a save percentage of almost 94%. And the icing on the cake is George Laroque. He isn't the fastest skater or the best puck handler but he beats the shit out of people.

The Pens are 11/10 to win the cup, I got 'em 4 weeks ago at 7/2. Click below and it'll explain the title.

Have They Nothing Better To Do?

2008-05-14T15:42:00.004-04:00

IF you're looking for a completely crime free place to live then I guess Charleston, SC must be it. Apparently the streets are so devoid of any wrong-doing that the police force has only one thing left to do. Commit enormous time and resources to bringing down that well-known apocalyptic scourge on civilization: Home Poker Games.

Instead of keeping people safe, ridding the roads of drunk drivers, and sweeping the meth out of the gutters, the law enforcement community of this southern tourist community has identified Public Enemy Number One as....wait for it... "people playing cards"?

On April 4, 2008 police officers from the Charleston area laced up their jack boots, donned their riot helmets, took a nice long hot piss on individual freedom and proceeded to raid three separate homes where people were playing cards, yuckin' it up, having a good time and drinking a few beers. Among those thrown in the hoosegow were a Deputy District Attorney, a police officer (something tells me he may have known this was coming), a Navy Officer, a teacher, and several prominent businessmen.

In total, 65 arrests were made and well over $40 grand was stolen from these otherwise law abiding citizens. In related news, it was reported that the $40,000 will be used for internal drug buys, unauthorized trips to Key West, and prostitutes for the higher ranking members of the Charleston police force. One arresting officer was excited about the prospect of a bonus so he could go to Vegas and "put it all on black".

But have no fear South Carolina tax payers, your dollars are hard at work and will be put to good use. After all, those arrested, if convicted, face misdemeanor charges and fines of "a few hundred dollars".

Authors Commentary: As you can see, this is nothing more than a shake down. The raids will do nothing to curb the frequency of home poker games NOR will it net any appreciable revenue by way of fines charged. BUT the Charleston law enforcement community gets to STEAL $40 grand from its hard working citizens and use it for the aforementioned vacations, hookers, and blow. The tertiary benefit, as always, is that 65 people will be forced to hire attorneys at rates on the average of $200 an hour. The cops benefit, the judges benefit, and the cops' and judges' buddies known as attorneys also benefit. So you see once again, everyone involved in the Justice System, except for individual citizens, benefits from this. La Costra Nostra would be proud of this level of organized crime.

Thankfully, this is not entirely just another story of the gestapo unnecessarily taking a shit on a good time and maybe something good will come out of it. Although the penalty is just a misdemeanor and paltry few hundred bucks, many charged are not taking that easy way out: They are choosing to fight.

Full Story Here

Let's wish them luck.

Screen Name of the Week

2008-05-13T12:27:00.003-04:00

So far we've got four submissions:

"StackSmacker"

"ibetmywife"

“OutOfToiletPaper”

“StuckAssInFishBowl”

I got assworms

2008-05-12T15:15:00.007-04:00

Well, it's final. In a blowout victory, "igotassworms" received 40% of the total vote to win the "screen name of the week" award. As was announced last week, readers of B.S.S.M. will submit nominations for the funniest, or most thought provoking, screen name they see on the internet. You know what? it doesn't even have to be on an online poker site. Anywhere you see, or make up, a screen name is fine. Even if it came from your favorite "I love Harry Potter" fansite or "Isn't Halo Just the SHIT!!" discussion board, it will still qualify.

The reader submitting the winning name will receive a free "Big Slick Small Money" T-shirt once I get around to making them. And since I submitted this week's winner, looks like my wardrobe will be upgraded....some day.

Courtesy of 50 Online Players

2008-05-06T15:53:00.005-04:00

About 5 weeks ago I was staring out the window looking at the lake and cursing myself for playing online poker. It was 70 degrees on a Saturday afternoon and here I was hacking away at some $.50 - $1.00 cash game. "Caveman" I said to myself, "you need to get the hell out of your cave and go do something, anything but sitting here on beautiful late March afternoon." Just as I was thinking I couldn't be any more of a slug if I tried, my good buddy Phil called me with an interesting offer. "Dude, I just got a new bike, you wanna go mountain biking? you can ride my old one". I was tired and probably hungover but without a second's thought I said Hell Yeah.

Phil's one of those nonstop, do it all, all the time guys. Active as hell and in pretty good shape. Me? Well, I go to the gym 5 times as much as I want to but only half as much as I should and I really like beer. My right arm is slightly toned though, from dealing cards and occasionally moving around some 11.5 gram poker chips. Let's just say that I'm not at my fighting weight. Phil could climb The Matterhorn without stopping, I hadn't ridden a bike that requires pedalling in about ten years. But I do occasionally ride motocross, I was a local BMX champ in my early teens, and I do have the penchant for putting my bodily safety at risk. This was going to be interesting.

Phil threw all his old gear at me. "Here, you can wear this stuff" he said as I cautiously eyed a padless helmet and a Camelback drinking system that looked like he found it at Lance Armstrong's mother's garage sale back in '92. As he strapped on all his new gear and hopped on his new ultra plush, full suspension mondo kick ass mega bike, I felt underequipped, both physically and materially. But I was grateful as hell. I hadn't ridden in forever and it was time to get back on the horse.

Two minutes into the ride I was hooked. All it took was a few powerslides into the turns and about 2 feet of air off the first jump and that rush came back to me at once. We rode for about an hour and a half. I felt like someone just beat the shit out of me. His old, suspension-less bike had taken its toll on me. I was exhausted and most of my muscles were cramping but I couldn't stopped smiling. A good workout and having fun at the same time. Why the hell didn't I do this sooner?

As we loaded the bikes back into the truck I asked him how much one of those new fangled bikes with full suspension and disc brakes (yeah, just like a car!) would cost me. "Minimum of a grand for one worthwhile," he said, "guess you're gonna have to win a poker tournament." Hmmm, he had a point.

I immediately got heavy into it, riding 3-4 days a week. I spent the next few weeks riding his old dinosaur and my roommate's recreational level bike, knowing that sooner than later, I would need my own new ride. Phil's old bike was more of a torture rack, wrong size and old as hell, and Jeramy basically indicated I should either decide to buy his or move on.

Something needed to happen, soon.

Well, long story not so long, a little sun shone on this dog's ass the other night. As I often do, I grabbed a sixer of Sierra Nevada and plunked down $20+2 on the Bodog $6,000 guaranteed. I finished 2nd out of 319 players. And I should have won but my K-10 lost to K-9 just as I was about to capture the chip lead. With a flop of x-9-10 you tend to call your opponent's all in bet heads up w/ K-10. But another 9 came crashing down on the turn and I yelled a naughty word out loud. It happens all the time, better get used to it. My anguish and self pity came to a quick end, however, when the little box popped up saying "Congratulations, you finished 2nd in the tournament and won $1,035".

"THERE'S my new BIKE!" I yelled gleefully to nobody in particular and did a little dance.

I took that G down to Performance Bike and plunked it down on a nice new shiny Mongoose Teocali Comp. That's 4 hours in front of a laptop, well spent.

More on that later, gotta go ride.

Screen Name of the Week

2008-04-30T16:47:00.005-04:00

I'm fairly certain that both of the readers of "Big Slick, Small Money" play at least a little online poker. I do as well and in the course of wasting more of my time than money, I have come across a few genuinely funny screen names. Some are meant to intimidate, some are meant to deceive, but these names are just meant to amuse. So, it got me to thinking (cue rising smoke) we should have a weekly contest to spot the funniest screen name (or just make 'em up).

Every week users will submit screen names they've either seen or fabricated, either way - it doesn't matter, and we will vote on the funniest. The weekly winner will be announced every Friday (or sometime hopefully by Sunday if I forget). Each week's winner will receive a free "Big Slick, Small Money" t-shirt, as soon as I start making them. No names with "420" in them will be accepted, that whole thing is way played out. To get us going, here's a few I've seen:

"ijustwentpoop"

"igotassworms"

"UglylikeLiebert" (mean but lets' admit it, pretty funny)

"Waiting4Gus"

User submissions will be accepted in the "comment" section.

Break Out the Brooms...

2008-04-30T15:56:00.013-04:00

...'cause it's gonna be a sweep. That will be one Ulysses S. Grant, Mr. Buff.

Last night, the Pittsburgh Penguins continued their domination of the hockey world, embarrassing the New York Rangers in their home dump called Madison Square Garden. High scoring games, low scoring, rough and tumble...it doesn't matter. No matter how many goals the opposition scores, the Penguins simply score more.

In a development that will leave many Pens fans grinning between gulps of Iron City, it was learned after the game that New York's chief punk-ass Sean Avery had ruptured his spleen. It is reported he will make a full recovery, so there is nothing wrong with making fun of him. He's a douche bag and a habitual line-stepper but we wish no ill health on anyone. Make a full recovery Mr. Avery, so the Penguins can kick the shit out of you next year!

A victory in tomorrow night's game would make 8 in a row. Thank god it's not Detriot, where you'd have to be on the lookout for a flying octupus. Don't worry about that happening, the Ded Wings are an aging, decrepit collection of hockey fossils and also rans. They'll never win another 8 in a row and if they are so fortunate to emerge from the inferior Western Conference, they will be soundly defeated by the Pittsburgh Juggernaut. I will have no mercy for them, they just don't have a chance.

Happy Birthday Dale

2008-04-30T15:17:00.003-04:00

Amid the scurry of getting out of town to see Widespread with Gosney, I was remiss to mention Dale Earnhardt's birthday yesterday.

Dale was obviously a god amongst men, the best race car driver ever to ever fire up an engine. He was also one of us. He came from nothing. He never kissed anyone's ass. Never smiled for the camera and said the right thing, never made excuses. He never sought the spotlight and he never ran from blame. He did what he wanted to do: WIN. He did what we all wanted to do. He just seemed to be a little better at it.

Dale was REAL. He was no character carved from some corporate vanilla, mass appealling mold. His goals, his aspirations, his talents, his flaws....we all felt them in us too. He humbly, quietly went about reaching his goals, climbing from the bottom, undeterred by any obstacle in his path, asking no favors and giving no quarter, on his way to becoming the best ever. To quote a line out of Jeff MacGregor's (my favorite author EVER) book "Sunday Money", when asked to describe the mystical appeal that Earnhardt garnered with all his fans, one of those fans, an RV dealership Service Manager in the midwest, simply answered "Well, he drove like I feel." That about sums it up.

Dale Earnhardt. The God of Thunder, Forever The Man.

Click Here for an article on Thats Racin

Quick Post

2008-04-25T21:01:00.003-04:00

They just played a cut off of Slayer's classic album "Reign in Blood" over the PA system at the Penguins playoff game. Told you Pittsburgh is awesome!

VALUE CHECKING

2008-04-25T16:26:00.004-04:00

The Scene: 1-2 Pot Limit Omaha.

Players: 4

Position: Cut off
On the button: Todd, a good solid player, especially in Omaha

I’m dealt Qh-Qd-7d-10s. I’m running good (for once!) and we were only 4 handed so I raised to $6. Todd called and both blinds folded. The flop was a juicy Qc-6s-2s. I threw out $10 and Todd called. There was now $35 in the pot. The turn was a 4c, a seemingly harmless card, no reason to overcharge here. I bet $20. He didn’t think long and made a smooth call. There is now $75 in the pot. At this point I’ve got to consider what he’s got. A big pair sticks in my mind but he called too easily so I add a flush draw to the reasons he’s putting chips in this pot. The river is a harmless 9 and this is where I think I will do something different the next time. I’ll tell you what I did shortly but first a discussion of philosophy.

The basic premise of poker is to force your opponents to make tough decisions. Although in No Limit Hold Em the tough decision is usually whether or not to commit their chips after you’ve bet at them or raised their bet. This decision almost always boils down to a simple “do I have a better hand than he does?” and chips are then moved accordingly.

Let’s say you’re you’re dealt J-J on the button. You make a raise and get one caller. The flop comes Kc-8h-9d. Not bad, one over and some draws. Checked to you. You bet about ¾ pot and get called. The turn is the 4h. You bet again, get called. At this point straight and flush draws are highly probable, maybe a king. The river is 5h. It’s checked to you. Unless you put your opponent on exactly 10s, betting here is usually not a good idea. As they say on the internet, it has "negative ev". You will only be called by a hand that beats you.

Well, to me I’m in the same exact situation in this Omaha hand but the positions are reversed. I will be only be RAISED by a hand that beats me. I’ve bet the whole way through and now it’s likely I have by far the best hand, Top Set, 2nd nuts in fact. If I bet, what can I expect to be called with? An underset is the only hand I can see paying me off but given the progression of this hand, I almost guarantee he does not have one. If he’d hit a set there would be a multitude of reasons for him to raise my bet on the flop .

The 5-3 is obviously the ONLY hand I fear. But he’d have to have some weird hand like K-K-3-5 for that to happen. My luck’s been bad lately, but hopefully not that bad. The case against 3-5 is overwhelming. Again, with the flush draws and ever present possibility of pairing the board on the river, he would have certainly raised the turn if he hit a set.

In this scenario, one that I feel is under-addressed in the realm of pot limit Omaha discussion, we are presented with the case for “Value Checking”. Betting into them makes their decision to fold way too easy. When your opponent misses their draws on the river, put them to a tough decision: They’ve missed their draws and now it’s time to decide “Should I bluff or not?” And the bigger the pot, the bigger the temptation they’ll have to try to steal it back. $75 is not a ton of money but he’s put $36 in there and he probably wants it back. He’s a gamer and to simply wave the white flag would not constitute a very high level of gamesmanship.

What did I do? I bet $35 but next time I won’t. He almost certainly has a hand he knows cannot win in a showdown. The temptation to bluff will be overwhelming. No straight, no set, big pot…Why not check and force him to try to steal it? Next time folks…..next time.

By the way, yeah – he put on a little “maybe I’ll raise” show and folded.

A belated 420 wish

2008-04-21T14:45:00.002-04:00

Okay, I'm one day late but that's the way it should be on such an occasion as this. It was Sunday, so I get a pass on this one. Either way, if you forgot, happy belated 420 and as a token of my gratitude, below we have a classic clip from the Price is Right. Don't give up too early, at about 0:40 you'll see what I mean.

The Penguins are Steamrolling

2008-04-21T14:12:00.009-04:00

In an almost embarrassing display of dominance, the Pittsburgh Pengiuns sytematically beat the living shit out of the weak ass Ottowa (where?) Senators. The Pens performed the only sweep of the first round of the NHL playoffs as Evgeni Malkin and Sydney Crosby diplayed offensive prowess reminiscent of the early 90s duo of Lemieux-Jagr

Because all the other teams in the east are lame asses who aren't worth a pair of used goalie pads, the Pens are gonna have to wait another day or two to see which collection of dirt surfers they will send crying to the golf course, or some hog farm in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.

While we wait, click on the video below to see Ryan Whitney pounding the hell of Wade Redden. Weather's getting warm, days are getting longer, girls are wearing less, and it's the NHL playoffs. Damn! I love this time of year.

Circling the Drain

2008-04-03T19:13:00.004-04:00

I’ve absolutely fallen apart as a poker player lately, particularly in tournaments. While it would better time spent to sit out on the sidewalk of Burnley drive every Wednesday evening, passing the time lighting 80 dollar bills on fire, one at a time whilst sipping on Gin and Juice, I keep trying. What it is that makes me so bad lately, I can’t quite put a finger on. Am I too tight, too afraid to bluff, too unsure whether the entry level nimrod, hustling over from another late night in the cubicle at One Wachovia, will have the intelligence to fold his middle pair? Or is it this insatiable desire to do stupid things? I don’t know but I do know that I’m playing like shit.

A little story for ya:

As is typical, last night I get some juicy starting hands in the first level of the tournament and I pick up a few chips. And then, as usual, I piss them away and immediately go on SST (Short Stack Torture), dragging around 10 big blinds, unable to speculate, and, like Larry Holmes in the twilight of his career, wielding not a single weapon but a feeble Sunday haymaker. A case in point from last night, should however clearly explain why I find myself starting the cash game for the last two months.

It was 50-100, the second round of blinds. Since there’s so much contemplating, posturing, ball scratching, and general coffee housing going on at our game, that probably means it was about the sixth hand of the night. Anyhow, BOC opens the pot for 300. In position I have AQ and I feel aggression is the order of the day. We both have chips (like I said, it’s early in the tournament) and I’m pretty sure he does not want to tangle without a really big hand. I make it 1100 to go. Darryl is in the small blind and after losing a decent pot, he’s down to about 6500. That won’t stop him though, he’s a calling station and it’s irrelevant that I think it’s quite perilous to put in 18% of your stack, most likely with Jacks, out of position, after a raise and a re-raise, when putting any chips in post flop will effectively commit the rest of your stack.

As much as I know Darryl, though, he knows me too. I put him on Jacks and he puts me on two big cards and if recent history is any indicator, ain’t no way I‘ll hit the flop. Whatever, he calls, pot odds dictate that BOC reluctantly calls. I don’t know what he has, it doesn’t matter, I have position and I’ll worry about him if he becomes a factor. There’s about 3500 in the pot. The flop is some kinda non threatening junk like 2-5-7. They both check. I know what I SHOULD do here but I just can’t help my self. I look down at my hand, moving independently of all the other oxygen and carbon in my body, effortlessly reaching for 2 orange chips and tossing them in the pot. Before I can even ask my hand why the hell he just threw 2000, in position, with big over cards, into the pot, Darryl moves all in.

His raise is 3475 more, which puts my dumb ass into quite a predicament. There’s now about 11,000 in the pot. I’m getting about 3.2 to 1 on the call. With 6 outs, using the rule of 4, I’m about 77 to 23 on the call, just about the exact odds I need to justify a call. But it isn’t about that anymore. It’s about how moronically I’ve played this pot. I should have either checked or just moved all in on the flop, getting the same odds but reversing the decision onto Darryl’s shoulders. Darryl plays the numbers, there’s no emotion in it for him. He knows from time to time that he’ll be quietly sipping scotch next to the fire, snuggled up with the jacks that just sent him walking from yet another tourney. But that’s the way it goes sometimes. A caller never, a bettor be.

Calling leaves me with about 6000, folding keeps me at 9500. So, if nothing more than to punish myself for my seemingly endless stupidity, I fold.

The simplest of concepts, swirling the drain of my mental capacity. I better get my shit together.

Idiotic Sports bets from the last Two weeks

2008-04-03T16:23:00.005-04:00

Been a while....my poker game has once again fallen to shit so let's just not talk about it right now. I have been making silly bets on some of my favorite sports. I think the NFL withdrawal is finally letting go..... Let's see what's happened the last 10 days or so...........

Mar 22, 2008. Brad Keselowski (18 to 1) to win the Nationwide (formerly Busch) Race at Nashville. Yeah, I know both of you reading this have no idea who Brad Keselowski is but he drives for Dale Earnhardt Jr’s Bus..I mean Nationwide team and 18 to 1 is hard to pass up on a talented driver in top equipment. He did finish 4th.

Wagered: $6.67 Lost: It all

Mar 22, 2008. Clint Bowyer (+140) to finish higher than Kyle Busch in that same race. Busch has been on fire (not in a Ricky Bobby way, thankfully) especially in the series formerly of his namesake but his driving style still costs him in many ways. He wears out tires and his competitors, from previous experience, have NO problem getting into with him more than any other driver on the track. Plus, Clint Bowyer is a great driver in top equipment. I didn’t see it but someone spun Busch out of the lead late in the race. Thank You.

Wagered: $6.67 Won: $9.34

Mar 22, 2008. Brad Keselowski (-110) to finish higher than Stephen Leicht. Keselowski is in what I would call a “Positive Expected Value” position when it comes to betting on him in racing. He’s relatively young and unheard of, which will give him long odds. He is, however, in the best equipment on the track and the oddsmakers have not yet caught up to his current performance. They will soon but for now he’s like an undervalued stock and I’ll keep buying shares.

Wagered: $6.67 Won: $6.06

Mar 29, 2008. Washington Capitals (-130) vs. Florida Panthers

Sometimes I bet on hockey just so I have a reason to watch the game. With the Caps, though, I really don’t need to do that. Alexander Ovechkin is reason enough to watch any game. Next to Sidney Crosby, who plays for the best franchise in the history of competitive sport, Ovechkin is the most exciting hockey player to hit the ice since Mario Lemieux. And I knew they would pound the Panthers. An easy 10 bones.

Wagered: $13 Won: $10

March 29, 2008. PARLAY!

Tampa Bay Lightning (+115) vs. Carolina Hurricanes AND Under 6

Tampa blows this year. For the most part, they can’t beat a rented mule. But I noticed a couple things. Carolina had played a tough game the night before in Raliegh and then had to fly to Tampa. They were beat up and tired. Tampa, like I said, sucks. Sounds like a low scoring game, huh? Ok, so we got the under out of the way. Then I noticed Tampa is something like 15-5 vs Carolina the last 20 games in Tampa. Carolina has suffered a rash of injuries and it just looks like their heart is gone. Tampa would figure someway to squeak this out. And they did, breaking a 1-1 tie with about 8 minutes left in the game. I’m a genius!

Wagered: $20 Won: $63.95

March 30, 2008. A bunch of Heads Up bets on the Winston I mean Next….I mean Sprint Cup race at Martinsvillle:

Greg Biffle +105 vs. Kasey Kahne
Wagered: $9.52 Lost: All of it

Juan Pablo Montoya (-105) vs. Jamie McMurray. McMurray finally pulled his head out of his ass. Thanks Metro!
Wagered: $25 Lost: All of it.

Jeff Gordon (-165) vs. Kyle Busch. Keep trying shrub.
Wagered: $16.50 Won: $10

Kevin Harvick (-145) vs. Carl Edwards. Carl must have found a new ‘Roid dealer
Wagered: $14.50 Lost: All of it.

Jeff Gordon (-130) vs. Jimmie Johnson. Jimmie just don’t have his shit together right now.
Wagered: $13 Won: $10

So, in the last 10 days I have wagered $131.53, Won $109.35, and lost $55.69 for a net gain of $53.66. That may not mean much to you but to me that is one 1.75 Liter bottle of Ketel One with enough leftover to buy the gas to get to Frugal McDougal’s.

Next: Circling The Drain

Favre Hangs It Up

2008-03-04T15:48:00.005-05:00

I've never seen anybody enjoy what he's doing anywhere near as much as when Brett Favre played football. Although he often put covering the spread in grave jeopardy, his ability to have fun while playing at the absolute highest level of his profession is unmatched.

Story

A truly brilliant sports career, one of the best of all time.

Gentleman John Gale and the Weak Lead

2008-02-26T20:29:00.003-05:00

Note: If you haven't yet read Indian Larry and the Online Misfits, click this link before reading on.

At my new table I immediately recognize a familiar face from the World Poker Tour, none other than “Gentleman” John Gale. If you know his post knockout ritual, you’ll know why I desperately did not want a hug from this well known poker pro. I immediately searched my memory (as the day went on my focus increased and things were coming to me much clearer than usual) of what I’d seen from his play in a few TV telecasts. I recalled that he’s rather tight but when he gets into a pot, very aggressive. I did not want to tangle with him without a very good hand. The Gentleman held true to his reputation, politely chatting with his fellow players and dealers, and methodically building his chips. It felt good though, to notice he didn’t have a whole lot more than me. Yes, these guys put their pants on one leg at a time, just like us.

By this time, the money was getting very close and play was tightening up considerably. I did my best to subscribe to the bubble axiom of taking advantage of the tight play but the cards weren’t coming and I wasn’t about to risk weak hands against the guys who were one by one being forced to play. And after an under the gun raise by a young lady with average chips, I’ve never so easily laid down pocket jacks on the button. Everyone folded, she showed Kings, and I again reminded myself how much of a genius I was. Then it was announced. We were on the bubble. 64 players remained. 63rd got about $1,700 and 64th got nothing.

On the bubble, the tables play hand-for-hand, meaning that one hand is dealt at every table and the next hand is not dealt until all the tables finish playing the current hand. This is to avoid any confusion should two players be knocked out at relatively the same time. Play tightens up considerably. The blinds were 2,000 - 4,000 with a 500 ante. I had 70,000, no danger of being blinded off, and no reason to go nuts without anything but a monster. The nice thing about the bubble is that you don’t have to worry about dwindling your chips very quickly. The hands move sooo slooooooow and almost all of them get folded around to the blind, were you just pick back up what you’ve invested that last round if you didn’t win a pot anyway.

Waiting for every hand to end, I had plenty of time to get a quick check on Jay and Blake. While Blake seemed ok with about 40,000, Jay was justifiably nervous with about 18,000 and the big blind only 2 hands away. As we were about to return to our respective tables a roar erupted two tables over and the high fives began instantly. The bubble had burst and we were all in the money. You should have seen the smile on Jay’s face, it was priceless. I later learned that the bubble buster happened when pocket kings lost to 6-7 offsuit. I did not want to see the look on that guy’s face. It was 12:15 and it was announced we would play to the end of the blind level at 1:00 AM. Incidentally, Jay and Blake were 63 and 62, the first two out in the money! What’s worse for Jay, he flopped trips and lost to a straight on the river.

As one may imagine, the play immediately loosened up. The 20,000 stacks were now gambling and as long as it took to knock the bubble out, they were now going out pretty quickly again. Although I didn’t want to do anything stupid, I was looking for a spot to play. Soon I would get the opportunity to do both. Against the best player at the table. Mr. Gale, who like everyone else folded his way through the bubble, opened in mid position for a raise to 12,000. It folded to me in the big where I held A-8 of spades. I’m not immune to boredom and against my better judgment I ….called. What was I looking to do? Flop an ace and perhaps leave in an unceremonious vortex of domination? Flop two spades and gamble the rest of my stack on a flush draw? What’s worse, the flop came 8 high, men’s warehouse. Instead of doing what I did next, it would have been better if I had just grabbed a handful of chips, walked over, handed them to Mr. Gale, and dropped my A-8 in the nearby garbage can. I committed the ultimate sin of the “weak lead”. Let’s see, there’s my 12, his 12, 2 in the small blind, and 4000 in antes. Into a pot of 30,000 I led out for …..13,000?

Before the chips hit the felt, I realized the grave err of my ways. Gale’s a pro. Pros make their living by pouncing on weakness whenever they see it. Regardless of the quality of my hand, my bet looked weak and I was immediately 100% sure I would get raised. While the small mistake was calling the preflop raise, the HUGE mistake was leading weak because it didn’t do anything to define to Gale the strength of my hand. Whether he even wanted to or not, he knew had to raise. I knew he did too, and therefore I quickly had NO idea where I was in the hand. He could easily have 99 or better, maybe a monster and he was raising to see if I flopped a set, or maybe nothing but the knowledge that I underbet the pot and it was his for the taking if he just showed a little initiative. He quickly made it 20,000 more to go. As the “what the hell have I just done” thoughts kept running through my head, one overriding thought kept coming back: I want to play tomorrow. Maybe he’s making a move here, maybe not but I still have 50,000 left and it’s enough to still do some damage.

On the last hand of the night I got all those chips back anyway. With two limpers in the pot, I looked at A-K of clubs on the button, moved all in and hoped, almost prayed for a caller. I was either taking the 20,000 pot, busting out, or doubling up. Everyone folded and I was back to 72,000. I bagged up my chips, put my name on them, ordered my FIRST Ketel & Tonic of the evening and strolled out of there absolutely wired with adrenaline. I found the rest of the guys at the blackjack table, cut the deck for them, they started winning, and I went back to the hotel, laid in bed smiling, and as far as I know I caught a little sleep.

Day 2

Coming in for day 2 was pretty cool. There was a print out of all those remaining in the tournament, their home town, and their chip count. There was 56 players remaining and I was only slightly less than the average of 90,000 with 72,000. Looking over the tournament sheet I also noticed the payout structure. I tried not look but with only 12 big blinds (the blinds were now 3,000 – 6,000 with 1,000 antes) it’s a good idea to know the money situation. What I saw was not encouraging. The payout structure was incredibly top heavy. Not every player received a gradually increasing payout; it was structured in brackets where 48-54, 41-47, 35-40, etc. got the same payout. And the increases in every level were quite miniscule. The first bracket got $1,800, the next $1,920, the next $2,048, etc. I noticed the payout didn’t jump to over $3,000 until something like 15th place or so. I knew I just couldn’t fold my way to more money; it was just so far down the road for any material increase in payout. Tournament organizers know this and they don’t want to be there til 5 in the morning either.

Tight play was way out the window. Chips were flying, small stacks were dying, and the big stacks were getting bigger. At my table, two guys got knocked in a hurry and, like just about every other table, we were playing shorthanded at 7. The blinds and antes were costing 16,000 a round and reality was setting in. Another problem I had was that there was only one stack shorter than me, the rest of the guys had a lot of ammo. If I didn’t get some chips, I would be out in less than an hour. Then reality really set in. The fortunate beneficiary of both the previous knockouts started raising. A lot. With his stack, I thought to myself, I’d be raising a lot too. On his 3rd raise in the last 4 hands I was in the small blind with a pair of 7s. Then I started thinking about the wrong stuff. I was thinking of the antes, the 9,000 in blinds every 7 hands, the slow payout structure, the need to double up. What I didn’t do was relax, sit back, and take a long look at my opponent for any signs of strength, weakness, nervousness, comfort. As I’ve been told by many an ex-girlfriend, I was only thinking about myself. I felt the need to double up so I said, one last time, “I’m all in.”

With only 50,000 more left and his huge stack, there was no question that he was going to call. I knew that and I wanted to get into a race, gamble for some chips or hit the bar. I was looking for Ace-King.

Although I was flying home on USAir, he must have been on American Airlines. He had Aces. Jay was watching me on the rail and others had planned to join later. I looked up at him, forced my best smile and said “Well. That’s it!”

To this day, I stand by my play but I don’t think I’ll do the same if I ever get the chance again. Reason number 1: Who knows when I’ll get that chance again. Reason number 2: Like my buddy Mr. Positive says, in tournament poker you always want to be the one pushing the action. Moving in with a mid pair to a guy who is guaranteed to call isn’t exactly pushing the action. And while the blinds were getting there, my stack was still nowhere near critical condition. At this stage of the tournament, 10 big blinds is not that small of as stack. I gave up a little early. I failed to realize that until I got to the payout table.

We started play at 2 PM that afternoon with 56 players. I went out in 42nd place, at 2:35. In 35 minutes, 15 players got knocked out. While the pace of knockouts would slow as the field shrunk, I realized that I didn’t totally take all the short stack gambling into account. Who knows, maybe I could’ve knocked one out, then doubled up to 200,000 in two hands.

Like I said, I stand by my play but next time I’ll probably do it differently.

One thing is for sure, I have not experienced such an adrenaline rush and the high of competition since playing for the state championship in High School Hockey.

Indian Larry and the Online Misfits

2008-02-26T18:10:00.004-05:00

Shortly after the break I get moved to a new table. This table was so different than the first one that I thought I had woken up in some surreal dream were I was actually playing poker inside the main server at Full Tilt Poker (dot com). It was FULL of young, hyper agressive online maniacs, with their chief conspirator a 120 lb. goofball I dubbed “Indian Larry”. This nickname is for no other reason than the kid looked to be of Indian descent. Larry literally opened raised at least 75% of every pot and three of his buddies would jump in with him.

There were so many barely legal mouse mavens that one of them actually finally recognized Larry by his cyber moniker. 10 minutes after arriving at the table, this peach fuzz laden skinny kid suddenly piped up out of his seat and said to him “Hey, you’re ‘interblublublah 73 on FT, right? Yeah, I played a 109 with you last night”. As I was just about to inform this young lad that his handle was in fact “Indian Lar”….”Yeah!? That’s me,” Larry answered. Thanks for ruining the joke, Larry.

Watching them toss chips back and forth while I was catching nothing was starting to get to me. But then I remembered this is no weekly tournament, where the blinds go up every time someone scores in the basketball game on TV. I didn’t like it but then I remembered that I don’t have to play a goddamn hand for 2 hours if I don’t want to. I’ve got plenty of chips and the blinds aren’t going anywhere for another 50 minutes. Also buffering my spirits was the fact that I was quickly noticing that we had about 4 Full Blown Squeezers (FBS) at the table playing some serious LDP (Lock Down Poker). Aside from folding 20 hands in a row, one FBS actually went as far to admonish one of the young guns for calling off a quarter of his stack with K-Q while getting 5 to 1 on someone else’s all in bet. It’s nice when someone goes out of their way to tell you just how tight they are. It was feast or famine. Stay out of the way of the nut jobs and pound on the tighties whenever possible. That strategy did well to maintain my stack while waiting for a few of the nut jobs to blown themselves up.

It didn’t take long. Larry finally finished the effortless task of bluffing off his chips and instantly the table took on a different complexion. We were playing poker again. There were now 3 online kids who looked lost without their leader (and without many chips), 4 Bonafide FBS’s, me and the gentlemen next to me, whom we will call “Angry Guy”. As fate would have it, he and I would go to battle many times. You could see the fury boiling within him as I held over him in repeated pots. Sets of 5s, wired aces, AK over AQ, I couldn’t lose to him and he was losing his mind with my repeated raises and re-raises. It was a shame, he was the only guy whose play I respected and in the end it cost me chips. If it was one of the on liners, they would have paid me off many times over. No worries, holding over angry guy in those few pots and built my stack up to almost 50,000.

At this point in the tournament people were dropping out pretty quickly. The FBS coalition held on to their dwindling stacks, a few on liners gambled their way out, and our table finally got broken up. It’s good when the tables are getting broken up, it means the field is thinning and we’re getting closer to pay day. When I sat down at my new table, it was very apparent that it was crunch time. The pseudo tough guidos and internet hot shots were growing fewer and farther between and most of those who remained appeared to very much know what they were doing. I was just hoping I was one of them.

This part of the tournament is commonly known as “Moving Day”. You’re taking a stand with your good hands and either moving up into the money or moving on to the poker room and trying to get your grand back in the cash games. At this point in the game, everyone has their agenda. Are they squeezing their chips, trying to limp into the money? Are they gambling excessively in an effort to reach the final table with a big stack? Are they frustrated, about ready to melt down with a less than premium hand? DON’T EVER WEAR HEADPHONES AT A TABLE WHERE YOU DON’T KNOW THE PLAYERS. Listening to what they are saying will tell you so much about the types of hands they are willing to play and you will be much better prepared to play accordingly when facing them in a pot.

For the most part everyone’s playing about the same, not risking their whole life without a big hand, and hoping to scrape enough pots to stay ahead of the blinds, which were 800-1600 with antes of 200. Gazing around the table, I was glad to see there were few stacks much bigger than mine. There were one or two quite a bit bigger, a few about the same size, and a few short stacks that I hoped were soon to take the long walk. Then I looked at the faces. There’s nothing more exhilarating then recognizing one or two from tournaments you’ve seen on TV. There was one guy, not a household name, that I remembered seeing about 2 years ago on a show called “Speed Poker”. I remembered his name was Billy Hill. And I also remembered that he played like a solid pro. He didn’t overly bluff but he raised in position, followed up his bets with continuations and knew how to float a hand or two. I also noticed his diamond encrusted Rolex. No matter, most of the play was “raise and take it” and walks to the blinds.

I held my own, raising few hands, betting when appropriate and laying down when necessary, I was at least maintaining my chip position. Then Billy and I got into a hand. He raised early to 4800. With position on him I called with K-Q offsuit and the big blind also called. There was 17,000 in the pot. The flop came Queen high with 2 spades. The big blind checked and as expected Mr. Hill came out with a controlled, emotionless bet of 9,000. The pot now had 26,000 in it. With about 42,000 chips I am not laying this down, I’m not calling, and any raise will commit me to the pot. If Billy has A-Q, I’m crushed. If he has A-K, he’s crushed. The big blind was the x-factor though. He may have got in here with 2 spades, some straight cards, or even a small pair that could set up on the turn. I felt very confident I had the best hand and if I can’t go with it here then why the hell would I even show up? These guys are not getting another card without paying another 33,000 to see it. “I’m all in”. They both fold pretty quickly and any lingering feelings of uncertainty were replaced with an almost euphoric realization that I could most certainly hang with these guys. I now have 68,000. A couple uneventful rounds go by and finally the level ends, the dinner break is announced, and I have slightly above average chips of about 58,000.

Daryl was long gone to the poker room and Jerry was frantically searching for Rain Man at the blackjack tables, so Jay, Daryl’s buddy Blake, Jason, and I sat down for dinner at the Metropolitan. Jay, Blake, and I are still in and with about 100 players remaining we are all cognizantly aware that the 63 money spots are right around the corner. Not to jinx anything, Jay confides to me “Man, there’s no way I’m playing this long, going this far without making the money.” We’re all feeling it man. Big time. I’m pretty healthy with my stack but Jay and Blake are both hanging on with about 25,000 – 30,000 each. It’s 9 PM, we wish each other luck and head back to the tournament, ready for the home stretch that should last until about 2 AM. Walking back into the tournament, I caught myself sizing up every stack at every table I walked by. I was pleased with what I saw. There were a lot of stacks much smaller than mine and it was apparent the attrition rate would be accelerating.

More good news. Shortly after play resumes my table is broken up, the flies are dropping just like they should. Walking to my new table I quickly look around and I’m happy to see both Jay and Blake are still alive and the information screen shows 81 players, 18 to go.

Next: Hugs all around with the Gentleman.

It all started with a Limo

2008-01-28T00:39:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm back and I apologize for making my loyal readers, both of them, wait so long to hear about the glamorous life of low stakes gambling. The turn of the new year brought lower interest rates, and being in the mortgage business I am absolutely SLAMMED with that dreaded four letter word: Work. Anyone who would like to take advantage of these dropping interest rates, please feel free to contact me at kevin@mortgagelighthouse.com. I would love to help.

Enough shameless self promotion, back to the action: As some of you know, I was the fortunate winner of a satellite tournament that bought me into one of the preliminary events at the annual WPT Borgata Winter Open.

I’d been playing well leading up to the $1,000 buy-in preliminary event at the WPT Borgata Winter Open. This would be my first tournament with a buy-in of over $200. Yeah, my indoctrination into the “low-to-mid roller club” was about to commence and I would need focus. I ramped up my work out schedule (hit the gym 3 times in 9 days!), went to bed before 3 am, switched to beer, and ate sensible meals. …..Ok, I didn’t sleep at all the night before, I worked late into the night the 3 nights before we left and, honestly, I was way too amped to sleep anyway.

The day before we flew out I received the following email from Daryl: “Caveman, Everett’s dad is picking us up in a limo at the airport.” The trip was definitely starting off on the right foot! Upon entering the limo at the Philadelphia Airport we were greeted to Jason’s dad, his high roller buddy, and cheers of “First stop, Liquor Store!” It was noon and I was zonked but the fact that those two Budweisers tasted pretty good gave me high hopes for the weekend to come.

We arrived in Atlantic City Thursday afternoon; the tournament was to start at 11:00 am the next day. I fished the low limit Harrah’s poker room for $200 in beer money and was in bed by midnight. My decent night’s sleep would serve me well. Standing in line to register for the tournament, I was surrounded by smelly tri-state area degenerates and began to think this might not be so tough after all. I laid down my grand, got my seat assignment and headed into the massive ballroom in which the tournament was being held. What an atmosphere! A monumental coliseum of poker was laid before my eyes; tables, dealers, huge screens with ESPN, and $640,000 was spread across the landscape as far as the eyes could see.

This tournament had 640 entrants and I could not quite grasp such an immense gathering of east coast pseudo-toughs, grease balls, and bottom feeders. The Guido Factor was of unbelievable proportions. Looking around the room, this cologne drenched, gold chain wrapped collection of knee-breaker wannabes made an episode of the Sopranos appear culturally diverse. In the words of Paulie Walnuts, what bunch of Stunads. I never thought I would miss the collection of striped-shirt hotshot douchery that so permeates the Las Vegas scene. At least those guys wear the expense cologne.

On to the game:

I sat down at my table at 10:58 and studied my adversaries. I was glad I did not recognize a single face from any of the way-too- many poker tournaments I have watched on TV. With 8,000 chips and blinds starting at 25-50, the first hand was dealt. Everyone folded to the cut off seat who raised it to 150, and everyone after that folded. The raiser guy showed pocket kings and we all chuckled. “Nice start” I thought but compared my next hand that was nothin’. Yep, I may have flown in on USAir but on the 2nd hand of the tournament, I’m flying American Airlines. I raise to 150 with my Aces and PRAY that nobody calls, I just don’t want to get into a tangle 2 minutes into the tournament with 9 guys about whom I know absolutely nothing. Thankfully they all fold and I get this eerie feeling that this just might turn out to be a good day. This feeling kept getting stronger as play went on. Other than the 50-something guy with the neatly trimmed mustache wearing a Penn State jacket (my alma mater), this table was pretty soft and I was getting my share of cards. I saw no reason to lay off the gas, playing every hand with sensible aggression and throwing in a few bluffs here and there. I usually don’t strive to achieve the “Table Captain” image but these guys were developing a healthy respect for my plays and someone had to drive the action.

Timing is everything and though I wasn’t getting an unreasonable amount of good cards, they always seemed to come at exactly the right time. I was taking blinds with Ace-King and three limpers, coming over the top with Queens, and catching a flush on the turn with 3 in the pot. Things were going pretty well. And when presented with a tough decision and sketchy cards, I just threw them away. The blinds lasted an hour long and at this stage of the tournament patience and selective aggression were rewarding me well when the following hand came up: With the blinds at 150-300 the fellow to my right, “Jersey Jim” for lack of better name, raised it to 900. I called with a pair of 3s. The flop was A-3-7 and Jim bet out 1,500 which I smooth called. The turn was another Ace and Jim checked to me. I didn’t really like that but I was also certain Jim had a big Ace and no worry of pairing his kicker for a better boat. I bet 4,500. Jim gave it about 10 seconds thought, muttered that A-J must be no good and chucked his hand into the muck. “Well, Jim, you’re just too good” I thought to myself and decided that if he was going to make big laydowns then by God I would give him plenty of reason. I decided to pound on him whenever possible.

A few hands went by and the blinds had just gone to 200-400. It was folded all the way around to Jersey Jim on the button. He made it 1200 to go and along with the general aroma of Guido wafting through the air, I also smelled a rat. I held 4-2 offsuit (more on that later) but the guy on my left was playing extremely tight so I decided to give Jim the once over and contemplated a steal. Jim’s chest was heaving a little too hurriedly and his mouth was pinched tight. I re-raised it 4,200, set my chin in my hand and stared blankly at the felt. Big Blind folded and Jim calmly flashed K-Q, mentioned something about giving me respect, and I collected a free 1600. This is working, Jim. Let’s keep playing. Another opportunity presented itself two hands later.

The table was tightening up and it folded all the way to Jim in the small blind. Jim limped in and I looked at A-10 of clubs. I raised to 1200 and Jim called. With a flop of King high and two clubs, Jim checked to me and I bet 2000 and then….Jersey Jim came alive, min-raising it to 4000. My previous beatings on Jim had given me about a 20,000 to 12,000 chip lead on him and most importantly, he had enough chips to fold here. With my chin resting gently in my left hand (I had concentrated on cultivating this constant pose during every hand) those words I had been patiently waiting to utter came out of my mouth. “I’m all in”. God that felt good. And it felt even better when Jim showed a King as he folded, AGAIN throwing away the best hand. I now had about 28,000 in chips and the luxury of picking my spots, riding the range, and punchin’ them dogies. A couple orbits went by and it was again time for Jim and I to go to battle. With a few limpers in the pot, Jim raised to 1800, leaving him about 9000 behind. This time it was for real, I peeked at one King, and then another. The most wanted outlaw in the land was back in town and ….“I’m all in”. Jim had seen enough of this shit and took a stand with Ace-Queen. Well, an ace hit the flop and another hit the river. Jim doubled up and I was back to around 15,000. But salvation was right around the corner……

A few hands later the tournament director announced that this was the last hand before a 15 minute break. A nice, bald gentleman (we’ll call him “Dilbert”) who had earlier conversed that he owned a small engineering firm limped in middle position and it folded to me in the small blind. I called with 4-2 offsuit and the big blind checked. Alright, I have junk and my main concern was getting this hand over with and finding the rest room with the shortest lines. Well Valhalla! The flop is 2-2-4, two spades. Row, row row your boat, gently down the boardwalk, merrily merrily life is but a .. I hope you have a spade draw!

Here’s some rope, Dilbert, check. Big blind checks, Dilbert checks. Turn is a 10 of spades, Oh Hallelujah, Thank Ya Jesus! I notice Dilbert has about 14,000 left, he has perked up at this turn of events and my only concern is coming up with the best way to liquefy his assets. With 1800 in the pot, I lead out for 2000. Dilbert does his best impersonation of the Make-A-Wish Foundation, making all our dreams come true by raising to 6000. No use laying low here. “I’m all in”. GOD those three words sound so gooooood. I flinch just a little as he insta-calls me with…..Q-10 offsuit? The river is a blank, I’m up to about 32,000 and I practically skip to the rest room, glancing back as the unsuspecting gentleman gathers his belongings. Isn’t poker just awesome!!!!!

Next: Indian Larry and the Online Misfits.

Illusion or Not, We are Still Here

2008-01-01T14:55:00.000-05:00

Widespread Panic played Phillips Arena in Atlanta last night. I caught the end of it on Sirius radio. They absolutely smoked that place down.

Happy New Year and your pots be monsters.

Today's List

2007-12-30T15:17:00.000-05:00

1. Playing in Traffic

2. Being impaled

3. Smashing Your Fingers with a Meat Tenderizer

4. laying in front of a steamroller

5. Listening to "Celine Dion's Greatest Hits"

Things that are more fun than online poker.

THE WORST 3 (OKAY 4) DAYS OF MY LIFE

2007-12-29T12:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I win the satellite, I’ve been playing well lately and everything’s going great, right? Um…In the words of Charlie Murphy…”Wrong. Wrong.” After getting some good cards at the right time AND playing aggressively when appropriate to win the whole thing, the world quickly plunged into a downward spiral. It all went bad. I could regale you with stories of bad timing, misreads, coolers, stupid people, stupid me, and an empty bottle of Ketel One but let’s just say I found every way possible to lose in every game. Hold ‘Em, Omaha, Stud, Razz, big game, small game, drunk players, sober players, good players, bad players, player haters…it didn’t matter I couldn’t win. I lost almost $700 in 4 sessions of poker, mostly at $.50 - $1.00 blinds or lower. I hadn’t lost that much in the previous 3 months combined if you added together all my losing sessions. Highs and lows. One minute I’m riding high, psyched for AC, riding the range, punchin’ them dogies, and being the most wanted outlaw in the land. Next minute I couldn’t beat a 3 year old in a game of Uno.

I had long winded detailed explanations of pot odds and situational strategies that I was going to bluster on and on about. I had all sorts of ways to justify and learn from the myriad plays that I put into action only to end up with empty felt. I was gonna tell you all about it. But the fact is you don’t want hear it anymore than I want to tell it. Plus it was over a week ago and frankly, I really don’t remember much of it. But there is a lesson. The lesson here is….wait a minute, there is no lesson. Either an amazing 4 month run of luck came to a horribly violent end (some people I play would probably say that) or…I lost patience. A little bit of both combined with a bad run makes a recipe for bankroll depletion. And questions. What was it? What did I do to fall so swiftly from my precarious perch? Was it the misplaced hubris of dumping almost a grand of poker winnings into my beloved dirt bike (I can show you pictures, the thing is beautiful)?..Was it the overdue Time Warner cable bill (screw them; those DVRs DO NOT cost $400!)? Did I gun down Doyle Brunson’s grandfather in some spectacular past life Wild West shootout? It doesn’t matter. When you fall off the bike, you gotta get right back on the horse and keep trying.

And try I did. The Steelers beat the Rams, I hit the over for 20 bucks (details of the last few weeks of NFL betting soon to come, I’m sure I lost), and I played a patient solid game and started to put in place the rebuilding blocks of my decimated bankroll.

It was going okay. For one night. And then it all went to the dogs.

Going to the Dogs

2007-12-29T12:22:00.000-05:00

For Christmas I visited my family in Naples, FL. There ain’t a whole hell of a lot to do in Naples, FL. Sitting on the beach, the early bird special, and Waiting to Die were ranked at the top 3 on the 2006 list of “Things to do in Collier County”. The bummer of it all is that the all time most awesomely redneck extravaganza known as the “Swamp Buggy Races” only comes twice a year and this wasn’t one of them. By day three I had soaked up enough sun to make to make Thomas Magnum jealous and I really needed something to do. The savior came from a most unexpected source: The Dog Track.

It’s been said that everything in Florida is in the 80s. The ages, the temperatures, and the IQs. This was no more evident than at the Naples – Fort Myers Dog Track. That’s right the friggin’ dog track. The one in Naples has a poker room. They have dealers, cards, felt, and shoddily dressed waitresses hocking cocktails, just like any other poker room. But this one has some screwy idiosyncrasies. In true legislatorial backward ass thinking, the Florida doofusses actually found a way to make luck an even BIGGER factor in a poker game. They have no limit poker but they enacted a law limiting the amount one can buy in for at any poker table to a maximum of $100 at a time, no matter what the limits and blinds. 1-2, 2-5, 5-10...doesn’t matter sir, you cannot start with more than $100. And these goobers just eat it up. At a 5-10 no limit game, you still can’t start with more than 100 bucks. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that, yeah, everyone’s all in before the turn. I didn’t bother, 1-2 sounded just fine.

I threw down my Benjamin, set down my mighty stack of twenty red chips and scanned the landscape to see just what kind of maneuvering this expedition would take. Most poker tables run the gamut of characters and this one was no different. It was littered with your usual assortment of ne’er do wells, bottom feeders, and one or two guys that actually had a clue. I even spotted the elusive Rascal-Oxygen tank combo. The most noticeable of the fish was some Midwestern alpha male who actually grunted and pumped his fists whenever his 3 outers hit (what’s a 3 outer?). Have you’ve ever seen the “World’s Strongest Man” competition on ESPN 9? In this contest, each meathead goes through a routine designed to psyche himself up before he throws a VW Bug through an oversized basketball hoop. They grunt, groan, turn red, flex their guns, and generally work themselves into a frenzy. That was this guy’s post victory celebration every time he hit some bullshit suckout. I nicknamed him “Mitchell Report”. Then there was “Authority Artie”. He was more concerned with informing everyone of the correct pot odds than he was with ever making any money (I offered his only profit that I can remember when my queens ran into his aces, costing me a cool $92). Then there was Family guy, a friendly clueless chap who unloaded at least $400 in the 4 hours I was there, and a veritable smattering of lifeless Floridians, either one step way from the grave or one bad decision from starring in their very own episode of “cops”. Drinks were bad, water was 2 bucks, bathroom smelled, and the floor was dirty.

Onto the game. There was one guy 2 to my left who was really stacking it up. It seemed like he’d catch a straight on the river every 5 hands and these chumps were far too clueless not to pay him off EVERY time. In between constant fiddlings with his cell phone, he had run his stack up to over $500. I felt that was an injustice to the balance of the universe and was of the opinion that a good portion of those chips should be in front of me. But before I knew it, it was getting near the zero hour. I had about 5 minutes before I had to leave to meet the family for dinner. I had $176 in front of me on the button when Authority Artie raised it to $17. He was transparent and it was obvious he had big cards. I told myself I would call him with anything that had a remote possibility of dismantling a big hand.

I looked down at 6-7 of clubs, more than enough to make that call. The small blind (Clueless Family Guy) called and so did Mr. Straight Catcher. There is $68 in the pot. The flop was 2c-3c-4d. Family Guy bets $20, Straight Catcher set his phone down long enough to call and Artie folds. There is now $108 in the pot and I have $159 left. I didn’t like my chances here but I knew if it hit I would win a big pot. Family Guy had just re-bought and there was no doubt he would put in his remaining $85 and the way Straight Catcher reacted to the initial bet, I knew he would call all my chips as well, he might as well just text messaged me as such. A quick study of numbers revealed that if I moved in, the total pot would be $491 (108+159+85+139). I’m getting 3 to 1. Is my hand better than a 3 to 1 dog? I figure one of them caught a piece of the flop and one is on a draw. I throw out my flush draw as a possibility, which leaves me a nonclub 5 for a straight and a 6 or 7 for an overpair. 9 outs with 2 cards to come, I’ll win about 28% of the time. 72 to 28 is just slightly better than 3 to 1 and I'm done swimming with the fishes, let’s go. They both call.

Family Guy has A-8 of clubs and luck box straight catcher has…A-4 of hearts. I am now seething at Mr. Luck Box Straight Catcher, that dude has been dodging bullets all day. No one has had a hand against him. You give me enough time and I’ll be shoving sets and over pairs right up your dumb ass all day long, I think to myself as the turn and the river blank off. All my hopes and dreams are left stalled in the sippy hole. Instead of 500 bucks and buying the family some burritos, it's chips n’ salsa, water – no ice.

Although Straight Catcher had some skills, you get tired of seeing an oblivious card rack rake in pot after pot. Pair of 4s for 160 bucks? Raiser and 3 callers and somehow numbnuts gets so ass lucky that no one has a pocket pair or catches anything. ANY pocket pair beats him. Think of the flop, every pocket pair available in the game of poker crushes him to stone. BUT NOOOO! draws galore and cell phone phan (not to be confused with David “The Dragon” Phan) dodges ‘em all and has over $800. I couldn’t bring myself to even look at the stack, I shook Artie’s hand, bid family guy farewell and jetted out of there.

Had I had the time, I would have located that hallowed sippy hole and baptized myself of all my sins in the muddy dirge. But I had correct odds, it was Mexican night and the waiter sounded EXACTLY like Fez from that 70s show. Margaritas all around.

The lesson here: Keep pushin’, it’ll hit.

Part of the 45%

2007-12-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

I’ve spent the last few days playing a lot of poker, some of it good but most of it pretty bad. After experiencing perhaps the most important win ever playing poker, I followed it up with the most miserable 3 days of poker I have ever seen. Here’s how it went down:

I played a one table satellite Wednesday night. The winner received a free trip to Atlantic City and the buy-in to the $1,000 No Limit event at the Borgata WPT tournament in January. I wanted it. Bad. I played well, and got lucky. Good. The table consisted of a pretty tough field. Here’s the list and what I know about them:

Jerry – Solid, I have no idea what he’s doing but he drinks while he does it and I like that.
Jay – Mellow, I have no idea what he’s doing
Kramer – Hyper Aggressive, just like his dog. I usually have no idea what he’s doing
Positive – I know every single thing about him, and he vice versa about me
Daryl – Solid, I have no idea what he’s doing. I do know he likes heavy metal
Ludey – Solid, he always has Aces when I have Kings
Jason – Solid, I have no idea what he’s doing
Buff – Action player, gambler, and all around good guy. I have no idea what he’s doing.

Ok, I exaggerate. I know a little bit about most of these guys, they are all solid players and playing with them the last year and a half has made me a much better player. I was looking forward to the challenge, I needed to be focused. The Ketel One would have to wait until after the game. Chips started at 8,000 and by the time a few players got knocked out I was up to about 15,000 and things started to snowball. After folding the big blind I ran to take care of nature’s call. The previous hand must have went quick because as I was returning people at the table were yelling my name and were about to muck my hand. I got back just in time to look under the gun at a pair of Kings. Lucky, yeah, and it was just starting. With visions of riding the range and punchin’ them dogies, I raised about 3 times the blind. It folded around to Kramer in the Big who went all in with Queens. No queen, no gnarly suck-out, see ya. I like Kramer but his removal meant a reprieve from his killer boxer puppy who had been viciously on the attack, licking everyone and everything in sight.

The dominoes started to fall. Mr. Positive moved the last of his stack on J-9 and my A-10 held up. A few hands later Jerry checked A-K in the Big. He would regret it, but I wouldn't have folded anyway at anytime in the hand. I was running good and I had chips. I flopped Aces and Fives and although my check on the flop allowed Jay to stay around to turn a straight, I got the lion’s share of Jerry’s chips and he was out. Ludey then made an ill-timed bluff against Sherriff Daryl who stuck his casted encrusted boot up his ass and sent him packing. Don’t bluff the Sheriff. In the words of One Arm Steve “He may not be a toker but he always knows what’s goin’ on”. On the last hand before the break Jason moved his last 4800 in the middle. I held 7-7 but I also held 28k in chips and it was time to get out of the kiddie pool. Jason had 9-9 but you know how sometimes you just feel it? 7 in the window and I’m feeling good. TALK ABOUT LUCK – as I type this I just watched Lidell Betts score the first touchdown of the Sunday night game. I bet 12 to 1 that would be the case. Props to my peeps!!!

Back to the action. Putting the bad beat on Jason meant one less tough player at a tough table, we’re down to 3 and I have over half the chips. Then deck then hit me in the face. What appeared to be a classic display of power poker was actually me just raising one good hand after another. Kings, Big Slick, Jacks, it was relentless. My stack was building and after suffering a couple losses, The Sherriff moved in his last 2800 on the button. I’m in the Big for 1000 already, I don’t even need to look. Of course my 9-3 offsuit took it down.

Jay and I were now heads up and I held a 2 to 1 chip lead. After almost an hour of heads up play I was really regretting checking the flop that let him catch the straight way back when. The man is patient. We tossed chips back and forth until we were right back were we started. With blinds at 1000-2000, he moved all in about 20k and I looked down at A-7. I’d seen him move with less and it was time. He flipped over 4-4. . The flop is 5-8-8, turn is a Jack. I need a 5, Jack, Ace, or 7 – 12 outs. The river is a Jack. Going to the flop we were in a 55% - 45% situation. That’s part of the 45%. I’m going to AC. I hope to have something good to write about in 5 weeks, I’ll let ya know.

COMING NEXT - The 3 worst poker days of my life.

Lesson From A Legend

2007-12-11T14:31:00.000-05:00

Watching High Stakes Poker last night I was reminded of a lesson that we already know but bears repeating. The first step to actually playing this game is to play the player, not your cards. Doyle Brunson reminded me that we must also play the situation as well as the player.

Doyle raised in late position to about $4,000 (blinds are 300-600 with a mandatory 1200 straddle). Doyle held Q-9 of Diamonds. Patrik Antonius, cash game beast extraordinaire, called in one of the blinds. Within the previous 10 minutes Antonius had lost about $280,000 in a failed bluff attempt against Sammy Farha. While relatively composed, those with a keen eye could still see the steam pouring out of the top of Patrik’s head. Doyle's eye is still keen.

Doyle flopped a flush draw with a gutshot to go with it, I think it was Kd-Jd-8c, not sure exactly but you get the point – flush draw, gutshot. Pot had about $10k in it, Antonius led out with $7,000. Doyle casually raised to $22,000 and Antonius called without a second thought. There is now $55k in the pot. The turn was a blank, Antonius checked and Doyle checked right behind him. The river paired 8s on the board, no diamonds. Antonius again checked and Doyle resignedly said “Queen high”.

You’ve noticed by now I haven’t mentioned what cards Patrik Antonius held. That’s because it has never been more irrelevant to a poker hand than it was in this situation. Doyle knew that and that’s why he played it this way. Many of us keep their foot on the gas in Doyle’s situation throughout the hand. I’ve done it, stubbornly bluffed on every street, only to have my opponent call me all the way down with mediocre holdings. Doyle recognized the situation though. He just watched Patrik blow off almost $300 large in failed bluff attempt and knew he was in no mood to be folding at any time in this hand.

In a brilliant juxtaposition to conventional wisdom, knowing Patrik wouldn’t fold is exactly the reason Doyle raised on the flop. Doyle had a nice draw and correctly built himself a pot worth playing for, knowing that if he hit Mr. Antonius would be paying him off handsomely. But he also had the years of wisdom and self control to not try to macho his way through this pot by betting crap and hoping his opponent would finally fold. He might have done that in a different situation against Antonius but he knew this time it would be futile.

It was not a big hand but watching such a masterfully aggressive player play a pot in such a masterfully passive way reminded me that this game is one of many simple lessons. I can’t tell you how many strings of $20, $30, or $75 trying I've wasted to muscle someone out of a pot. If I can just refrain once because of Doyle’s reminder, that’s one case of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale I won’t have to buy out of my own pocket. I’ll take that. Oh, by the way, Patrik had Q-J for a pair of Jacks.

Keep in mind your opponent’s state of mind, not just his “image”, in every hand you play.

This week's NFL Picks - Results

2007-12-07T18:50:00.001-05:00

Here's what's going on:

Carolina Panthers (+10.5) at Jacksonville Jags o/u 38

The Panthers resembled a real NFL team in their 1st home victory since the Nixon administration last week against the 49ers. But Jacksonville ain't the 49ers. They will run the ball all over the Panthers and confuse the hell out of whoever is playing QB. Can the Panthers keep it close? I doubt it. Take the under and hope both teams run alot. UPDATE: IS this the Carolina Panthers or the University of North Carolina Tarheels? I don't know, the uniforms look alot alike....I'm sure the Dolphins are bummin' that they don't have Carolina on the schedule this year. Wagered: $2 (seriously), Lost $2

Dallas Cowboys (-11) at Detroit Lions o/u 51

The way things are going, John Kitna's prediction of 10 may come true. 10 losses! I think Dallas will kill 'em and hopefully Crayton will rack up some points for my fantasy team. UPDATE: One week to the next, you just don't know what you're going get with some teams. Wagered $2, Lost $2

Miami Dolphins (+7) at Buffalo Bills 0/u 35

Who cares. UPDATE: Anybody care yet?

Pittsburgh Steelers (+10) at New England Patriots o/u 48

I bleed black and gold. And like everyone else south of Providence I want the Patriots to lose. Polamalu aggravated his sore knee in practice wednesday and he's out. I don't care. Steelers MONEY LINE (+375). Put me down for 20!.........UPDATE: I'm still bleeding and it still hurts. Alot. Wagered: $20, Lost $20

Minnesota Vikings (-9) at San Francisco 49ers o/u 39

The Vikes are surging right now and I expected the steamroller to be in high gear in the bay area this weekend. Don't know if the Niners can contribute any scoring so I'll refrain from the over. UPDATE: This was one of those that comes along every month or so that you know just can't miss. I upped my bet far beyond my normal $10 range. Wagered: $33, WON $30

San Diego Chargers (-1.5) at Tennessee Titans 0/u 40

Haynesworth is back. He's a beast. Titans in a close one. UPDATE: Changed my mind and bet on the Chargers. Wagered $2, WON $1.82

Indianapolis Colts at Baltimore Ravens

UPDATE: I did a teaser. God I'm an idiot. Wagered $10, LOST $10

RESULTS: Lost $2.18. Hardly worth writing about, huh?

Annie Duke's Testimony to Congress

2007-12-07T18:06:00.000-05:00

Like many idiotic things our government does, The Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006 makes me sick to my stomach. In true slimeball fashion, Senator Bill Frist slipped this junk into a Port Security bill at the eleventh hour. Bill Frist is a megalomaniac power monger who, while in medical school after running out of experimental cat cadavers, collected cats from animal shelters under the guise of giving them a safe home, only to (in his own words) "treat them as pets for a few days, then carting them off to the lab to die in the interest of science." It's no surpise a scumbag like this snuck a complete affront to American freedom into a bill touted to bolster national security.

Annie Duke recently spoke to Congress on behalf of the Poker Players Alliance. Her testimony can be found here. It's a long read, it makes a lot of sense but personally I think she should have had me help her write it. Just kidding!!

Chip Reese Passed Away

2007-12-05T14:00:00.000-05:00

Widely considered to be one of, if not the, best poker players in the world, David "Chip" Reese died yesterday in Las Vegas, He was 56. Nobody played the game quite as smoothly as Chip Reese. RIP Mr. Reese and condolences to the family and friends.

http://www.pokernews.com/news/2007/12/chip-reese-passes-at-56.htm

Value City

2007-12-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

As successful of a weekend I had I still drove home at 3:45 Sunday morning thinking about opportunity lost. The weekend poker fiesta started Friday night with a $50 buy in tournament with about 30 people in it. Since the structure was a little fast, I slept my way through the first 6 levels and patiently played big cards as aggressively as possible. Long story short, I won the thing, with Mr. Positive coming in second. $500 in my pocket, say hello to a new tricked out exhaust system for the CRF 250! (My cherished dirt bike for those not indoctrinated in moto-language).

The next day was a day I had been looking forward to for months. The final tournament of the fall season of my local poker league, 200 large to buy in, over 50 people, 10 Gs in the middle. Visions of a new home theater system were dashed quite unceremoniously by two pairs of pocket 10s going down in flames, once to the class clown holding queens and the final coffin nail administered by the Mad Russian's set of 7s. I really have to adjust my approach to these semi-deep stack tournaments. I am not taking enough chances or putting my opponents to the test often enough on bluffs. Catching cards and playing solid, smart poker is a nice foundation to anyone's game but without adding a few levels to your play, you will never fully maximize a poker session's potential. It is here I will discuss two of those levels.

BLUFFING

Maybe this section should just be called "thinking outside the box" because I don't do it enough. In that big tournament saturday there was this one kid, probably about 27 years old who played alot of hands with the collar of his red fleece pulled over his face everytime he was in a hand. He appeared to be catching a lot of hands. But I'll never know because I never put the punk to the test with a reraise pre or post flop, never having a hand. But that ain't poker, that's overly patient wussy play that'll end up bouncing you out of a tournament with pocket 10s to an underset. Sometimes that one bluff, that one extra pot is the difference between getting the money and sitting on the couch wondering when the pizza is gonna get there. That one bluff is worth so much more than just that pot. It establishes your own confidence and instills an unwillingness in your opponents to play a pot with you. The sailing is so much smoother once you establish, in yourself and in others, that this dog came to play today. Well, this dog (thumbs pointed at me) was a cat that day and I had to wait for a cash game to scrape together the funds for that new amplifier, which leads us to point number 2....

VALUE BETTING

You can read your opponents, choose your cards wisely, and exercise the right mix of patience and aggression but there is one component that can make the difference between winning and losing poker. Value betting, squeezing every last available chip out of every pot. I'm no poker expert so I will not sit here posturing that I can reel off an amazingly cogent, logical exposition on the finer points of value betting. But I can tell you a story, 2 stories actually. This occurred after I busted out of the big tournament. I took about 20 minutes to sit on the couch, mindlessly stare at some college basketball game on the tv (I HATE basketball), and let the steam cool off of me before heading to the $1-$2 cash table.

I worked $190 slowly up to about $350 when I was dealt pocket Aces on the button. Pocket aces on the button is the main reason a poker player leaves the house, you cannot find a better situation. By this point a $5 straddle was on for the whole game, I raised it to $17, at least 3 callers give or take, I don't quite remember. Flop A-Q-6 offsuit. It's checked around to me and.....I bet $40? That's not a misprint. Ona ragged board, in position, holding a SET OF ACES, I actually grabbed 8 red chips and threw them in the pot. The only counter I have to "that's the stupidest bet I've ever heard of" is that we were playing the 7 -duece (win any hand with 7-2, no matter when or how, and everyone at the table has to pay you $5). I was trying to represent the 7-2 and look like I was bluffing down the pot. Let's examine the folly of this play:

1.Assuming that someone would put me on a 7-2 steal assumes that I am unreadable. I'm not and I know it.

2. Even if someone suspects a 7-2 situation, wouldn't it be better to check and hope someone bets the turn in an effort to take the pot from me after I show weakness on the flop?

3. Suspecting someone's bluff and pulling the trigger on the them are two VERY different things. If I was successful in pulling off some amazing acting job and convincing someone that I was bluffing, they still would have had to fire about a $150 re-bluff at the pot in their effort to push me off and that's extremely difficult to commit to even if they are "convinced" I'm bluffing. Most of us think that at least half of every pot won is by a bluffer, yet we don't go apeshit trying to stop it.

4. What can they call me with? I can only think of 4 hands that could stay in with me. Set of 6s, A-Q, K-J, and 10-J. I've obviously got the first two crushed and if someone tiptoes into a gutshot straight, that is the chance I've got to take.

I don't know if I left money out there or not, who knows maybe all three of them had 7-8 suited, but I HAVE TO check and let someone catch something or at least stab at it on the turn. Estimated opportunity lost: $40-$100.

The next missed opportunity came quite late in the game, probably around 2:30 am. By that time Jason had joined the table. In a group of some very respectable players, he is as good as anybody. He really plays a disciplined game. When I say disciplined I mean the multi layered type of discipline that elevates your game to the next level. I'm not referring to the discipline it requires to throw away K-J in middle position and avoid chasing expensive draws. I'm talking about the discipline it takes to fire at a pot with nothing, re-raise bluff out of position, or move in on a big draw knowing that while it could spell doom, it is statistically the best play the maximize your chips. Alot of players know you need to continuation bet with nothing, raise someone when you think they're out of line, and generally make someone pay the maximum when they appear weak. Jason has the DISCIPLINE, and the balls, to do it every time.

I got involved in a hand with Jason, and it played out like this: Not 5 minutes after I was discussing the merits of folding J-10 suited, out of position, to a healthy raise, I was dealt J-10 suited but this time in position and called Jason's $30 raise. I think we had one other caller. The flop came 9-Q-A. That's the flop I want in position. I'm opened ended and it's got an Ace, meaning if I hit my draw, I will likely get paid big time (if I play it right!!!). He bets $50. With about $100 in the pot, we don't have to go into any deep analysis to say the implied odds were more than there. I call, other guy folds. The turn is another 9. Not a good card. Jason checks. This is where I should have really given some thought to what he might be holding instead of just thanking the poker gods for a free draw to a straight. Of course there's no way in hell I'm going to bet BUT I've really got to know what to do IF I hit the straight on the river. It's here I squandered an opportunity to really throw some complexity into this pot.

Instead of insta-checking like I did, I should have run the progression of hands he might have before rapping my knuckle on the table. It would serve me well to appear as though I've got some kind of hand that requires some time to think but that the 9 slowed me down a little. If he's got a monster of course he's going to check the turn. It achieve two things: one, he looks a little weak, and two, it gives me a chance to catch something and pay him off. I need to think this through, what could he have to raise out of early position in a pretty loose cash game (remember it's 2:30 in the morning)? A-A? maybe. Q-Q? just as maybe. 9-9? even less maybe but possible. A-K or A-Q? Sure, who knows? BUT the point is that it's not here, right now, that I'm going to know what he holds. It doesn't matter what he holds, what matters is I prepare myself for the correct play depending what hits the river. Let's assign him a range of hands and corresponding course of action for each one on the river. Monster: He's got to bet the river, ESPECIALLY if a straight card hits. Big Ace: He'll check again. The 9 spooked him and my check back gave him no information. Weak pair. He'll certainly check again and that's when I must employ a little judgment and decide whether or not to bluff the river. None of that matters, a King hits the river and I've caught what I'm looking for.

I realize now, as opposed to then, that what Jason does when the river card hits is so crucial to extracting maximum value out of this pot. Put yourself in his shoes. If he's got a monster, he's going to love that river and bet hoping I will call, or better yet, play back at him with the straight. That's all I need to know. He WILL NOT check both turn and river with a winning hand. Let's think again, what would he open-raise with? Mathematically, A-K or A-Q is most likely. If he's got A-K, then my call on the flop may have frozen him, thinking that it's ME who's got A-Q. If that's the case though, he loves that King. But Jason is smart enough to also know that King hits an open ender. HE checks. Knowing what I know now, I HAVE TO BET. He is NOT going to take the chance of losing me on the river with a big hand. More importantly, if I would have thought it through, I would have logically put him on AK or AQ and made a value bet of $80 or so. He is not immortal, and would call with his two pair just like the rest of us. I showed the irrational fear of being set up by his boat full of guns on the river and checked, stupidly saying "well, I see no value in betting here." Even though he had "only" $250 in front of him, I didn't have the guts, no actually the brains, to extract about a third of that on the river. I hope I've made it abundantly clear that by thinking it through, I would have easily seen that he did not have a straight beat. I checked, he turned over A-K. I was admonished by Daryl for not value betting the river and now, Yes Mr. Norman I see the light.

Jason and I both made a mistake on that hand. No doubt he was kicking himself for letting me catch that King, he should have moved at least $1oo on the turn. And I'm kicking myself for not keeping the poker gods and their allotments of luck in line with the stars by betting for value a straight that I paid just a tad too much to draw to. And in some backwards way, I think Jason would have taken the beat a bit easier had I played it right and got some value out of it.
Estimated Opportunity Lost: $80 - $100.

Some nights your just not gonna catch that many hands, or you just might be up against a tough table that gives nothing away. And it's those nights that will really remind you that you've got to extract maximum value out of every hand to really be a winning player.

Think every hand through, take your time, and make the right move every time it's possible. Sure, some mistakes will be made along the way but like everything in life, that's the only way you get better.

This Week's NFL Picks

2007-11-28T12:50:00.000-05:00

Previously I have only listed the results of my NFL bets. Whenever possible I will now preview them before the games and then on Monday will see how much of a genius, or idiot, I am.

Green Bay (+7) at Dallas 0/u 52

I'm betting on Green Bay because I want them to win AND I think Farv-ra and company can keep it within 7. I might even bet the Cheese on the money line (currently +275). I'll update if I o. I think the under will hit but I love scoring and am sick of betting on totals. Not touching it.

Update: Lied. Picked GB & the over. Got half right. Wagered: $20, Lose $20

UPDATE #2: Props to my Peeps. I recovered all that $20 and then some with 3 player prop bets that ALL worked:

1. Brett Farvra - Under 320.5 yards passing. He got hurt, call it a gimme. Win $10

2. Ryan Grant - Over 75.5 yards rushing. Basically got it in one 1st quarter TD. Win $6

3. Terrell Owens - Over 6.5 receptions. He got 7, Perfect. Win $10

Buffalo (+5.5) at Washington o/u 37

Ugh. Who knows what the 'Skins will look like after Taylor's death. I'm not touching this one. I'll update if I do.

Detroit Lions (+3.5) at Minnesota Vikings o/u 45

Detroit on a 3 game slide and Minnesota clobbering the Giants has made the odds makers very kind to the Vikes. Detroit is one of those Jekyll & Hyde teams that'll drive ya nuts on a Sunday afternoon. I don't care who wins but Adrian Peterson should be in the line up and Kitna will fare much better than Happy Feet Jr. The scoreboard should light up. Taking the over but I reserve the right to rescind if Peterson doesn't play.

Update: I wussed out and didn't bet.

Jacksonville (+7) at Indianapolis o/u 45

Another intraconference touchdown road dog. All eyes will be on this one. One thing ours eys won't be on is the Jag's mascot, perhaps the funniest looking in pro sports. Has anyone ever taken a close look at this guy? He look's like Big Bird's acid tripping hippy cousin, who only leaves the East Village to visit Sesame Street on Beatnik Poetry Night. Take a look the next time they're on, you'll see. Anyhow, the Jacksonville juggernaut rolls into town to face the formerly reeling but now healing Colts. I like the Jags to cover and the under, but will probably just bet the spread. I'll update if anything changes.

Update: I bet Jags moneyline (wanted odds, what can I say). Wagered $10, Lost $10

San Diego (-6) at Kansas City

True story: Friday afternoon I was sitting here typing away and listening to Howard Stern on Sirius. Some guy calls in just going off on how much of a lock this bet was, you should bet 8 times your normal amount, etc, etc. You know what? I agreed with him, only doubled up though. San Diego 24 - Kansas City 10. Wagered $22, Won $20

Houston Texans (-4) at Tennessee Titans o/u 42

The new Oilers fly to music city to play the old Oilers. Just before game time it was announced that Albert Haynesworth was playing. Haynesworth IS the Tennesse defense. I put it on the under. It didn't work. Vince Young forgot he sucks and actually played well as the Titans scored one touchdown too many. Titans 28 - Texans 20. Wagered: $11, Lost $11

Cleveland (-1) at Arizona Cardinals

Cleveland? I bet on Cleveland? How the hell does any self-respecting Die Hard Pittsburgh Steelers fanatic ever bet on Cleveland? Once. That's how, NEVER AGAIN. Wagered $16, LOST (JUST AS I DAMNED WELL DESERVED) $16

Tampa Bay (+3.5) at New Orleans o/u 41

All I know about the New Orleans Saints is that they score alot of points and they give up alot of points. I don't think they have a whole lot of maturity or enough talent to go around though so I have no clue who's gonna win but I'm pretty sure we'll see more than 41 points.

Update: I hit the over as expected but right before the game my girlfriend wanted some action....so I bet her the moneyline on New Orleans. New Orleans loses AGAIN. 23-27. Result: Win one, lose one. Wagered: $20, Pushed.

Cinncinati Bengals (+7) at Pittsburgh Steelers 0/u 38

Betting on the Steelers is heart wrenching for me so I don't do it very much, plus I really thought after the last couple games that the Bungles had a very real chance to cover. But betting on the Flush 'em down Browns was bad enough, so following through on that thought would earn me an expressway to hell, where you are forced to watch endless loops of a Miami Dolphins - San Francisco 49ers game. So I do what I always do: Bet the over and hope for a pile of points because I have, gasp, Carson Palmer in a fantasy league anyway. The Bengals are who we thought they were! though and they can't score. Steel Curtain 24 - Bungles 10. Wagered: $16.50, Lost $16.50

Week's Results: -$27.50. Uh oh, guess that next bottle of Ketel One is coming out of my own pocket but there is big time help on the way, as you can see here.

Sean Taylor Passed Away

2007-11-27T16:08:00.000-05:00

UPDATE: http://www.nfl.com/news/story?id=09000d5d8049be12&template=without-video&confirm=true

Man, what an incredible bummer. Very suspicious circumstances too. This certainly does not seem like a random robbery, someone knew what they were doing.

Condolences and best wishes for the family and the team, and hopefully whoever did this will be brought to justice.

Nobody Likes A Tease

2007-11-26T14:59:00.000-05:00

I love the multi billion dollar cottage industry dedicated to betting hard earned money on something so ridiculous as the outcome of a football game, usually in relation to achieving a minimum score differential among the two teams. What I love even more is the creativity with which these shylocks and grease men will allow you to put your weekly wages at risk. That is until now. So far this season I have mainly stuck to picking a winner against the spread, over/unders, and the occasional parlay for the big payoff. Well, this week for some odd reason I went teaser crazy. Perhaps I felt the need to liquidate Saturday night's profit of $100 in $.10/$.25 pot limit omaha (seriously).

Here's a recap:

Green Bay (-3.5) at Detroit

Green Bay is just on a roll. Wagered: $11, Won $10

New York Jets (+15) at Dallas

Don't Ask. Wagered: $11, Lost $11

Tennessee Titans vs. Cincinnati Bengals Over 47

Cincinnati scores alot. It's that simple. Tennessee superstar lineman and former face-kicker Albert Haynesworth was still out. While Cincy's offense held up their end of the bargain, the defense chose this week to forget that they blow. Apparently the medicine for a shitty defense is to play against Vince Young. Young is entertaining as he prances around the field, ball held high and out for any closing defender to knock into the air with a mere swat of the fingertips, running for the occassional 6 yard gain whilst treating his receivers to a game of "you run this way, you run that way" down the street style of football. 12 points Vince, all we needed out of you was 12 points. We got 6. Bungles 35 - Ms. Pac Man 6. Wagered: $11, Lost: $11

Washington Redskins at Tampa Bay Bucs Over 38

I couldn't pick a winner here, I think it was Redskins (-3). But I did think it would be about a 23-20 type game. And it would have been. Except Jason Campbell developed a severe phobia of the red zone in the 4th quarter, tossing two picks inside the 20 on their last two drives. Bucs 19 - 'Skins 13. Missed it by 6. 6, Mr. Campbell, is the point value of a touchdown that you will be awarded should you decide ever again to throw to one of your guys in the end zone. Wagered: $11, Lost: $11

Seattle Seahawks at St. Louis Rams Over 45.5

Bulger was back, Jackson's healthy and Seattle still gives up enough points, while scoring their fair share, to make this one look like a no-brainer. And at the end of the 1st quarter things were lookin' great at 16-7, for a total of 23. Then something odd happened. They both decided to play defense. What!!!!!? 3 more quarters for a total of 20 more points and I miss it by a field goal. Wagered: $11, Lost: $11. Ouch, let's see what's going on over at that Saints game....

New Orleans Saints (-3) at Carolina Panthers

This has become the no-brainer du jour. Until further notice, bet against Carolina regardless of the spread. The oddsmakers still haven't adjusted the spread for just how far apart the Panthers have fallen. New Orleans would have been a bargain at (-10). Because of the eternally anemic Panthers offense, the over (somewhere around 38 or so) scared the hell out of me, and rightfully so. Steve Smith deserves better. Bagheads 31 - John Kasay 6. Wagered: $11, Won $10

Alright, here's where things get weird. When I look at a line and just don't get any noticeable gut feeling, I usually just leave the game alone. There are some games that are just too random to get a feel on. These games usually involve shitty, jekyll & hyde type teams. In the name of brevity, here's what happened:

Buffalo Bills teased from (+9) to (+15) vs. Jacksonville AND The over (teased from 37 down to 31). Jacksonville clobbered 'em, 36-14 en route to obliterating the original over by 13.
Oakland Raiders vs. KC teased from (+5.5) to (+11.5) vs. Kansas City AND Houston vs. Cleveland teased from (+3.5) to (+9.5). Houston Lost by 10 via a mop up TD with 3 minutes to go. It was never close.

Let's just say this: Involving Buffalo, Oakland, and Kansas City in any kind of betting other than "they'll get the snot kicked out them" is bad business. Don't mess with bad and inconsistent teams. Wagered: $22, Lost $22

Denver at Chicago Over 41 Wagered: $11, Won $10

Everything went as planned on this one, the Chicago defense just isn't what they were last year. But I got greedy. Because of the debacle of losing almost every 1 o'clock bet, I snuck in a "make up" bet on Denver (+1) right before the game. After kicking to Devin Hester TWICE, ON PURPOSE and watching him run for two TDs, Denver seemed to have righted their ship and pulled into a 34-20 lead with 10 minutes to go. Then Mike Shanahan committed the cardinal sin: Prevent Defense. As many have said, the prevent defense only prevents you from winning. All you gotta do is pressure Rex Grossman and he will give you the ball by either throwing a pick or fumbling in the backfield. Denver made him look like Joe Montana en route to picking apart them apart for two scores in about 5 minutes. Then they lost in overtime. Let's recap: Kicking to Devin Hester + Prevent Defense, coupled with the Shanahanigans of calling a timeout 3 milliseconds before every field goal snap: Bring me the head of Mike Shanahan. Wagered: $11, Lost $11

Philadelphia Eagles at New England Patriots (-23)

All season it's been until further notice, bet on the Patriots. This is further notice. Pats 31 - Eagles 28. Wagered $11, Lost $11

Miami Dolphins at Pittsburgh Steelers Over 41

I made this bet on Thursday (after completely lucking into a parlay of Colts (-13)/over 41.5 at Atlanta. 31 -13 Indy. Wagered $15, Won $39). This was before the rain soaked/cow pasture debacle at Heinz field. At least I had the sense to make a second half Under 16.5 bet to push. Lost $1 on the juice

Overall Results for the week: -$20

Cash Game Results

2007-11-26T14:35:00.000-05:00

Had a nice little cash game the other night. Thanksgiving was on the line and there was no weekly tournament so 12 people showed up for a night of no rake $1-$2 action. Splitting the gang into two 6 person tables was kind of a bummer but there was plenty of action to be had, perhaps highlighted by Sundeep's not so triumphant return from Singapore. After lamenting his missed opportunity on some prematurely dumped Google put options I swear the poor guy re-loaded twice before the button even got to him. He's an action player, more focused on downing some beers and yuckin' it up with the guys than he is on poker results. Plus, 4 or 5 hundred is nothing to a guy who spends his time lording over the international financial markets.

Although the night had no real dramatic moments for me, I did have a pair of Kings run into Ludey's Aces. For those of you who have read I wanna be a Cowboy you'll notice this is the second time in 3 games I've been knocked off my high horse by Ludeman's Bullets. As John Wayne used to say, "This is getting re-goddamn-diculous". This one I couldn't do anything about. There were 1 or 2 limpers, Alex raised to $15. Alex is what you would call loose, and as I had no positive action for the two hours we'd been playing, I was happy taking the $25 in the pot or hoping he'd call with anything but Aces. I pushed in my last $102. If Alex hadn't raised the hand would have played out differently but since he had, I had no choice but to shove. Alex probably held two napkins but Ludey insta-called...."AGAIN!?" I said, as he flipped over and actually apologized for holding aces. "That's poker" I said as I ran upstairs for the last $240 I had in the house.

After that I was down over $200 but ended up exactly 100 semolians at the end of the night. Not bad, considering. One day Ludey, one day..........

Results from this week's NFL Betting

2007-11-19T13:15:00.000-05:00

I swear NFL Sunday Ticket was invented as a conspiracy by all the online sportbooks. There's ten games on at the same time but a majority of them involve mediocre teams that no one gives a shit about. In order for you to fully enjoy the experience, and feel that you got your money's worth, you have to fabricate a way to enjoy watching all these games. What better way to inject some self inflicted interest than to bet on them all! Well, most of them. Here's a recap of yesterday's action:

San Diego (+3) at Jacksonsville 0/u 40.5

Who the hell knows what you're going to get any given week with San Diego? And Jacksonville's pretty solid but can they stop LT and will Rivers actually have a good day.? Like I said, who the hell knows. But I do know this: The Bolts cannot stop the run, David Garrard is back and the Jags offense is clicking. But their defense isn't quite as stout as years past and with all their weapons, SD should put up a respectable number of points. Sounds like a good time to pick the over! Final: 24-17 Jags. Squeaked one out by half a point. Wagered $11.50, WIN $10

New Orleans (+1.5) at Houston o/u 50

New Orleans. The model of inconsistency. Potent offense, pourous defense and facing the Texans who have Andre Johnson AND Matt Schaub returning to the line up. I don't care who wins but I do have Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, Andre Johnson, and Kevin Walter in various fantasy leagues and I would love to see a sandlot shootout. Again, what better reason than to pick the over! As the game was starting my roommate (a fantasy football maven of the highest order) remarked on how well Houston plays D at home. Nonsense! I said, and it looked okay as the game entered halftime 17-10. A whopping 6 more points were scored in the second half. Looks like that next 12 pack of Miller Lite is gonna have to come out of my own pocket. Wagered $11.50, Lost $11.50

Green Bay (-10) at Carolina o/u 37.5

I live in Charlotte so I have first hand knowledge of this little fact: The Panthers suck (su-su-su-su, that's right Judge Smails, they suck!). Of their defensive stars, Dan Morgan can't walk out of his house without suffering a season ending injury and Julius Peppers doesn't sack anyone anymore. Somebody told me a viscious rumor that it's because he can't get HGH from some guy in Spartanburg anymore but I don't know anything about that. One more reason the shirt and tie crowd at Bank of America Stadium will be in their cars by halftime: Steve Smith has a leg injury and is doubtful. Packers by 10, no-brainer. I took a look at the game about half way through the 4th and for some reason Drew Carter decided to catch pass and run for 50 yards. The Panthers score two plays later and all the sudden a 28-3 game at half was 28-16. Coach John Fox of the Panthers inexplicably doesn't go for 2 with 4 minutes to go, thereby preserving my 1 point cushion over the spread. Thanks coach. Wagered $11.50, WIN $10

Cleveland (-2) At Baltimore o/u 43.5

I don't care who wins this game, they're both in my beloved Steelers' division so I'm just happy somebody has to lose. All season, I've had a hard fast rule of picking the under in any Baltimore game until further notice. They play such an excruciatingly boring brand of football. Their anemic offense and aging, yet still solid defense almost always ensures a snooze fest of 2 yard runs, passes for no gains, false start penalties, punts, and the occasional field goal. Almost Always. Yesterday these two sloppy bastards decided to score. If Derek Anderson would have decided to have thrown only to the guys in the offensively ugly white, brown, and orange uniforms than everything would have been just fine. Instead he zips a pick sixer to Ray Lewis, and then Boller throws his own 100 yard nail in my coffin to some DB in an offensively ugly white, brown, and orange uniform. Should have known. The Browns can't stop ANYONE. Wagered $11.50, Lost $11.50

St. Louis (-3) at San Francisco o/u 39.5

This might be the "Who cares game of the week" but it is also the "Can't miss, 100% surefire, back the truck up, lock of the week". After having to endure SF last monday night, it is obvious that those 6 kids I saw playing in my neighbors yard yesterday could beat them. Coupled with the fact the Bulger is healthy, Steven Jackson is back, and Tory Holt still possesses hands, I'm going double on this one. It wasn't pretty, but they covered by the minimum, 13-9. Wagered $22, WIN $20

Washington (+11) at Dallas o/u 47

Jason Campbell has struggled at times this year but I believe he has the skills, and more importantly the poise to become a legitimate NFL QB. The running game is coming together and he's starting to hit wide receivers in the end zone. The Cowboys are the Cowboys, they're going to score, no doubt about it. But one simple fact remains: Roy Williams plays for them. And they are going to get scored on. Other than Jason David, Roy Williams has got to be the most consistently shitty Safety in the league. Slow, poor tackler, physically soft, this guy has been burned more times than Ricky William's 6 foot bong. I figured the skins would give them a game and keep it within 7 or so. Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day! 'Boys 28, Skins 23. Wagered $11, WIN $10

Chicago (+6) at Seattle o/u 37.5

Over/under at 37.5! Did I read that right? Yes Larry, you did. Apparently the odds makers haven't seen the Bears defense since mid season last year. Double up on this one too! Seabags 30, Bears 23. Wagered $22.00, WIN $20

So I have a pretty good day, going 2 for 4 in the early games and hitting all 3 (including two doubles) in the late games. I'm up $50 so I figure I'll throw a little parlay on the Pats/Bills game. Pats (-16) and the over (46.5), no-brainer right? Wrong. wrong. I call Bondtrader Joe, poker buddy and fellow lowstakes gambling junkie. We conclude that "the Bills always play them tough" and I pick, and it pains me to even type this, the Pats (-16) and the under? What the hell is wrong with me? The Patriots are not an NFL football team. They are a superhuman gathering of highly talented football players executing their given tasks with a precision, attitude, and a hunger previously not seen in the history of this league. And until further notice, they will destroy all in its path, cover the spread, and obliterate the over in every game. Except against the Steelers. I will simply have to refrain from wagering that particular game. Wagered $12, LOST $12

Final outcome: + $35

MNF: Tennessee (+1) At Denver o/u 38.5. Huh? Shit, I have no clue. I'll probably tease up Tennesse to +7 and pick under 44.5.

UPDATE: I took Tennessee (+1). They got slaughtered. Wagered $11, Lost $11

Final week's tally: + $24

Poker Rules NOT To Live By

2007-11-15T17:32:00.000-05:00

I came across this a while ago and thought it hilarious. It seems like there's always somebody at the table mucking things up and completely disrupting the continuity of a good poker game. Keeping his cards in his lap, throwing his flop bet directly into the middle of the pot, staring into space for ten minutes before acting, telling the table every hand he folds.....whatever it may be, departures from etiquette and common sense are abundant at the table. I'm sure you've all played with at least one guy who has read this list, completely missed its sarcastic intent, and treats it as the poker gospel. Read on but please, do NOT practice its preachings.

PROTECT THY HAND

Protecting your hand means just what you would expect: Cup your hands concealing the fact that you even have cards. Wait until the action passes you and the dealer turns the next card before calling out, "Hey, what about me?

"WHOSE BUTTON?

Having the button confers upon you an enormous positional advantage. Thus you will want to get the button as often as possible. If the button is to your immediate right or left, but the player in that position doesn't seem to be paying attention, simply slide the button in front of yourself.

IS IT MY BLIND?

Never post a blind until the dealer asks you for the second time. If the dealer forgets to ask, you are not required to pay. Often they make a mistake. Ask how much it is.

TIME PULEEZE!

Players are often unsure when it is appropriate to ask for time. In general this is proper in any of the following conditions:You are first to act.You are last to act.It is your turn to act.You are looking at the menu.You are reading the Racing Form.

SPLASHING THE POT

Chips should always be splashed into the closest side pot.

TABLETALK

Always discuss all hands in play. If three deuces flop, loudly proclaim that no one can have quads because you folded the deuce. The other players will offer their sympathy and maybe even announce what they folded. This makes the game more interesting and is merely a courtesy to those no longer in the hand.

SHOW?! NO YOU SHOW! (This one especially irks me!)

The best hand will want to build suspense by waiting until everyone else has shown. However the worst hand will also want to do likewise to avoid the embarrassment that comes from letting other players see what crummy cards he played. This tends to create a deadlock where no player is willing to show a hand. If this happens, simply reach out and sweep up the chips for yourself exclaiming, "Hey if no one else wants it.". Alternatively invoke the speed rule: The first person to show gets to take a chip out of the pot. The last to show is forced to throw one additional chip in.

OVERCALLING YOUR HAND

is not only amusing, it is sometime vital in order to get a player with a better hand to muck his cards. You run the risk of being accused of "angling", so smooth things over by offering to give the pot to your opponent. Exception: If the pot is large, request the decision of the floorman - it cannot hurt.

CRITICIZING OTHER PLAYERS

lacks class. That is why the expression "Nice Catch, sir!" was invented. Use this expression on every hand you lose even if the sir in question is female. If a person criticizes you, demand to know why "If they are so good, why are they playing low limit?" If you play 72off for the hell of it and flop a full house and some wiseguy starts spouting off, "Malmuth say..." or "Lee Jones says..." immediately cut them off and say, "statistics-shamistics, those guys are snobs and there is more to poker than mathematics." This is not only a clever thing to say it is also correct. Remember even Einstein who was poor at math, went on to discover matter or something and become fabulously wealthy.

FLINGING CARDS

Once considered a sign of immaturity, this is now the hallmark of the seasoned professional. New players however are often confused when it is appropriate to fling cards at the dealer. This is really a matter of taste but the rule of thumb is to do this whenever you have been dealt two consecutive bad starting hands. If you have pocket Aces cracked, flinging of the cards is automatic. Aim for the face. Flicking lit matches at the dealer is dangerous and is not advised.If the flop gives you the nut monster hand but no one calls, it is OK to fling the cards over the dealers head onto the neighboring table.Flinging cards at another player is a high variance play. He may be armed. It is safer to just fling your cards across the table in an attempt to foul his hand. If he protests, remind him that it is his responsibility to put a chip on his cards.

DECISION PLEASE

Although the floorman's decision is final, this rule is frequently misunderstood. What this really means is that the decision of the final floorman is final. If the first floorman does not side with you, do not give up until you have called over every floorman on that shift.

COLOR CHANGES

Request a color change when you have amassed exactly 101 chips. Immediately break down the big chip on the following hand. Ask the dealer for one of each color chip. Chip runners should only be used when the dealer has begun to ignore your requests. As a side note, it is OK to order food and drinks from the chip runner if there are no food servers or cocktail waitresses nearby.

DECK CHANGES

Requesting a deck change cannot alter the laws of probability and only serves to slow the game down. Thus you should only ask for one if someone else is winning.

LOBBYING

You are permitted breaks from the table for restroom visit, eating, or just wandering about to stretch your legs. Typically 20 minutes is permitted, but there are ways to increase this, by "lobbying at the table." Request an out button while you eat dinner at the table. Once you have finished, you have an additional 20 minutes to walk off that meal. Return to the table, play one or two hands to reset the clock and then wander off to chat with one of the waitresses for an additional 20 minutes. When you return, post only one of your blinds. If the dealer reminds you that you missed both, ask incredulously, "how much!?" Request an out button again while you watch your own game from the rail.Or better yet go off and play Pai Gow. There is no rule that you can't play in more than one game at a time.

PASSING CHIPS

is generally prohibited except that spouses are encouraged to share chips when one is getting low on funds. There is also the custom of the lucky chip. Whenever you win a pot, it is customary to toss a lucky chip to each of your friends or to the chip leader. That person should immediately acknowledge your generosity by rolling a lucky chip back to you. Sometimes you can get everyone rolling chips to each other.

THE NAME GAME

Whenever any deuce flops, loudly exclaim, "doooces never loooses!" or "Acey Deucey Never Loosey." You just cannot say it often enough. It is just as clever the thousandth time you hear it. Many hands in Holdem have cute widely known names such as "Big Slick" or "Heinz57", "Broderick Crawford" and even the "Montana Banana." But there was a time before these hands had names - someone had to name them, why not you? It is perfectly acceptable to christen hitherto unnamed hands with whatever strikes your fancy. Example: "Hooks-n-crooks" for Jacks and Sevens. Use your imagination. Any two cards could be "The Big 'W'". Obscurity and pithiness is what you are striving for. Even Mike Caro suggests that feigning insanity can help your table image.

NON-SMOKING SEATS

Exist on either side of the dealers and are reserved for smokers who are just joining the game. It is OK to smoke while seated there, but if noticed you must hold the cigarette an extra foot further away from the table. Notice that if you smoke standing up, you are not violating the rule.

TOKING THE DEALER

Toking, or tipping the dealer is a personal decision. Since dealers often claim that they are not at fault when they ruin your hand on the river, by symmetry they are equally not responsible when you win. They cannot have it both ways. So why bother? Tipping should be considered charity that you might give a pathetic homeless person. If you do tip, ask for a receipt.Another way to appear generous and look like a tipper, is after winning a big pot, just ask the dealer if you toked him. Often he will not remember. There - you just saved some money. If he says no, ask him if he's sure. If he still insists, say you are pretty sure that he's wrong and that you already toked him, but that you'll be certain to get him next time.

TABLECOPS

Tablecops are sniveling irritating players usually heavily stuck and imagines that it is his or her responsibility to point out every minor infraction such as folding out of turn, or showing hands to other players still in the hand or using a 2-way radio to communicate with ones partner. If you should be unlucky enough to find one of these sanctimonious holy-rollers at your table, a simple reminder such as, "Just because you are losing doesn't mean we can't have fun here" should suffice to reset the mood. Ask the dealer if you can have the whiner's seat when he busts out.

If you follow this advice, you will quickly gain the respect and admiration of all the regulars and you just might increase your expectation by a bet or two. Bet? Who bet? Is it on Me?

Pressing with Presto

2007-11-13T17:59:00.000-05:00

There's a weekly tournament I play. Usually about 30 people, mostly real cool guys and enought decent players to make it challenging and worth while. While I occassionally make the money (having won the whole shebang twice in the last 6 months) what's really juicy is that cash game that takes form immediately as the players bust out. Mostly 1-2 NL Hold 'em and some PL Omaha. Here's an interesting hand that came up a few weeks ago:

Sitting on the button in a 1-2 PLO game, I'm dealt 5c-5h-8d-kd. It's limped around with about 5 callers and I call, hoping for a 5. The flop: 4d-5d-6h. Ok, decent flop but this is omaha and in a 7 way hand, someone is bound to have hit a straight. But this is omaha, it's a game of gamble, pot odds, and big swings. So far may stack has swung in the wrong direction, I've got a set, a draw to an 8 high straight, and the second nut flush draw. If this pot gets any significant amount of chips in it, I say to myself, it's time to gamble. The straight is made, I'm pretty sure, and if someone has a set of 6s, and the Ace high diamond draw, then so be it. It's the chance I have to take, because here's what happens next: Ludey (see "I wanna be a cowboy") pushes all in for about $18, then Ed, a tricky player but somewhat of an Omaha novice (not that I'm any expert either) thinks for about 20 seconds and raises "pot", which puts him all in for a little over $100. I'm pretty sure I'm going all the way with this hand at this point. Next player folds and sitting next to me is a loose player who also calls the $104. Ok, a confluence of thoughts now enters my mind. Buff's extra hundred now puts $244 in the pot. I've got $135 left. On one hand, I'm getting 2.4 to 1 on my hand, on the other, Buff's call tells me it's VERY unlikely king high flush draw is any good.

In calculating my chances of making the best hand, I do my best to ignore the flush draw. I have 8 outs to pair the board (if someone has a set of 6s, so be it, time to go home), and if I hit the 7 I will have caught the 8 high straight, hoping Ed's hesitation meant 3-7 and not 7-8. Because I'm certain Ed has the straight already, I ditch one 7 as an out and hope he's holding the 7d so I can add the other 3 as "legitimate" outs. With 11 outs I figure I'm about a 3-2 dog to win this hand, I push in my last $135. Buff is the only one with any chips left and he calls the additional $31. There is now $41o in the pot. We turn over and I see exactly the news I expected. Ed's got 3-7 for a straight and Buff the Ad-2d, neither has any other draw. The turn is a meaningless Queen. I see my dead flush draw, drink the last of my Sierra Nevada, and prepare for the miserable drive home when.....out of the depths of my fading poker luck, with a beam of light the case 5, the nuts, the ultra presto, falls on the river!

After the hand, one of the folders told me he had a set of sixes, he was sitting on Ed's left and correctly figured Ed had flopped the straight and let the set go. I told him, with Buff's money added to the pot, my bad run, and my exceptionally poor play that night, I figured it was time to gamble and admonished him for folding top set when it was clear I would catch quads!!! We were all curious about who was exactly the favorite on the flop, and Ed e-mailed me the next day with the odds he had determined with one of the many poker calcuators found anywhere one the web. It turns out my "guestimation" was very close to reality. Ed was a very slight favorite, less than one percentage point, as we were both 39% plus change to win the pot.

Pot limit omaha can often turn dreams into disaster. What's important to know is just what are the chance of realizing those dreams or plunging into disaster. And where there's the edge, even the slightest edge, you've got to push when the odds deem necessary. And just hope for that 5 to hit the river.

I wanna be a cowboy

2007-11-13T16:52:00.000-05:00

I was invited to a 1-2 cash game Saturday night by a guy I know casually from running into at a few local games. I poured myself a nice tall Ketel & Tonic and settled in for the 30 minute ride to the game. When I showed up there was a diverse smattering of players seated at the table. John, heretofore known as "Mr. Positive" was there, along with Ludey, some guy from LA, a motormouth, 1 fish, a cardrack, and a donkey. Alright, I figured I'd stay for 4 or 5 hours, make a couple hundred, and go home. Well, Mr. Positive, a great friend of mine who I play alot with kept lamenting his inability to win any pots with Ace/King. Just as I was about to admonish Mr. Positive on the value of betting no matter what the flop hit, I noticed the cardrack and the donkey had called down to the river on at least 8 of the last 10 hands. I refrained from giving my friend the bad advice of betting into the two biggest calling stations this side of the Microsoft Customer Service Help desk. Cardrack hit a set just about every deal and the donkey kept winning big pots with 2-3, usually suited. I'd normally say that calling in early position with 2-3 is bad business, but hey! they were usually suited!

It was becoming a slaughter. A steady diet of 5-2, interspersed with the occasional 6-6 in the small blind after the pot had been raised, re-raised, and called for $60, and I'm really thinking I could have been home watching re-runs of "Matlock". 5 hours and $150 later (lost in an interminable series of uncontested pots), I was begging for any of Positive's big slicks just to push in and hope for the best. 5-2 and Q-4 just wasn't cutting it. After rebuying another $100 my day had finally arrived. 2 off the button and an open pot, I look down at Kings, the cowboys, the Marlboro Men. I reached for my lasso and fired 12 into the pot. Ludey, mistaking my miserable run of cards for a guy who only plays the nuts, hadn't called a raise of mine all night, and commented as such numerous times.

Truth is, he's more of a squeezer than I am and must be dealth with accordingly. He often agonizes over every decision, lamenting his inability to catch Aces at least once every round. He (appropriately) takes his time with every decision, weighing the value of calling, folding, or raising. This time he looked at his cards and quickly smoothed called, no hesitation whatsoever, no grumbling about his shitty run of luck. The warning bells that should have been going off in my head were silenced by my overwhelming joy of riding the range, punchin' them dogies, and being the most wanted outlaw in the land.

Flop comes 3-4-7 offsuit. Perfect, right? I'm gonna check to him and then blast in for the rest of his chips on any bet he makes. Boom! Hand over, money's mine. You'd think..... I check, he calmly slides his remaining $50 across the felt. What's going on here buddy? I can't fold, right? He didn't play 5-6, that's not his style, and he certainly would have at least gave some thought to calling with 7s or lower, he always does. With blind alacrity, I take .4 seconds to deduce he must have Queens, for nobody could wake up with Aces after it took me 5 hours to catch a pair of Kings....."Nice hand, Lude" as say as he rakes in the $125 and replies "You can't fold there, I mean how could you?"

For most of us it's easy to agree with that statement but let's look at things a little further before we conclude that this is just "one of those hands you're gonna lose". This is the first raise of mine he's called all night. It doesn't matter that those raises were often made with 6-7s, 99, or A-J, he smoothed called this one, quickly, with no thought what so ever. Like so many of us often do, I neglected to give any thought to what that meant, because I was holding a big hand. He hadn't been running well either, was down to about $60, and he is the type to give thought to maximizing any pot he plays. What would he have that he would, quite uncharacteristically, smooth call with? I've seen him throw away many a medium pair in this situation without a second thought. Queens, Jacks, A-K? No, he would have pushed all in with any "vulnerable" hand like that. I little bit of thought, and I would have easily figured out that he was, in fact, hold exactly A-A. While my pair of Kings had momentarily bespectacled me with rose colored glasses of invincibility, hindsight almost immediately clarified that with 20/20 vision.

What do you think? Should I have checked-folded? Should have have fired $15 or so and then let logic run through my brain and figure out what I should have already known? or was this one of those hands you're just gonna lose?

Let me know what you think!