Milfs by a Landslide

In a landslide victory, "PocketMilfs" is this week's screen name of the week.Out of a whopping 6 votes, the mothers in your pocket received 4. JerrBudd submitted it so he'll get a "BigSlickSmallMoney" T-shirt when I start makin' em.

R.I.P Sydney Pollack

Sydney Pollack died yesterday after a 9 month battle with cancer. He was one of my favorite directors and a hell of an actor. He was awesome in Michael Clayton, coining the classic line "He's an asshole...but he knows it." Eh, I got nothing else but I just wanted to pay homage to a genuine talent in that sea of shit known as Hollywood.

RIP Mr. Pollack

Some Hands are Just Unplayable

I just beat some guy for about $75 on a $.50-$1.00 table (Hey! Don't laugh, you know the name of this place) because he's awful. He LIMPED in EARLY position with K-5 offsuit (not that suited would further justify this play). He bet, I raised, he went all in for his last $35.

He had a pair of kings with a 5 kicker on a 10-9-K board, all clubs.

I flopped a flush with 4-5 clubs.

Here's the bonus. He just re-loaded.

Thanks to these guys, we drink better beer.

We're Goin' Dancin' With Lord Stanley

Well I'll be cow kicked, the Steel City juggernaut known as the Pittsburgh Penguins are once again going to the Stanley Cup! The Pens sent the Filthadelphia Flyers to an early tee time by destroying them 6-0 yesterday afternoon. It will take them years of self loathing and intense group therapy to recover from this monumental ass whooping.

By the way, that's $24 paid on a $20 bet on blowdog, I now not worry from where those next 6 gallons of gas are coming.



The Black and Gold simply looks unstoppable. They've got three bona fide superstars in Sydney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Marion Hossa. Those three alone have combined to score 59 points in only 14 playoff games (22 goals, 37 assists). With support from Ryan Malone, Jordan Stahl, Peter Sykora, and a defense that is suffocating the opposition, the Penguins are a complete team playing a complete game. In the rare occassion that the front 5 allow anyone near the net, 3rd year goalie Marc Andre Fleury has been damn near unbeatable with a Goals Against Average of 1.70 and a save percentage of almost 94%. And the icing on the cake is George Laroque. He isn't the fastest skater or the best puck handler but he beats the shit out of people.



The Pens are 11/10 to win the cup, I got 'em 4 weeks ago at 7/2. Click below and it'll explain the title.

Have They Nothing Better To Do?

IF you're looking for a completely crime free place to live then I guess Charleston, SC must be it. Apparently the streets are so devoid of any wrong-doing that the police force has only one thing left to do. Commit enormous time and resources to bringing down that well-known apocalyptic scourge on civilization: Home Poker Games.

Instead of keeping people safe, ridding the roads of drunk drivers, and sweeping the meth out of the gutters, the law enforcement community of this southern tourist community has identified Public Enemy Number One as....wait for it... "people playing cards"?

On April 4, 2008 police officers from the Charleston area laced up their jack boots, donned their riot helmets, took a nice long hot piss on individual freedom and proceeded to raid three separate homes where people were playing cards, yuckin' it up, having a good time and drinking a few beers. Among those thrown in the hoosegow were a Deputy District Attorney, a police officer (something tells me he may have known this was coming), a Navy Officer, a teacher, and several prominent businessmen.

In total, 65 arrests were made and well over $40 grand was stolen from these otherwise law abiding citizens. In related news, it was reported that the $40,000 will be used for internal drug buys, unauthorized trips to Key West, and prostitutes for the higher ranking members of the Charleston police force. One arresting officer was excited about the prospect of a bonus so he could go to Vegas and "put it all on black".

But have no fear South Carolina tax payers, your dollars are hard at work and will be put to good use. After all, those arrested, if convicted, face misdemeanor charges and fines of "a few hundred dollars".

Authors Commentary: As you can see, this is nothing more than a shake down. The raids will do nothing to curb the frequency of home poker games NOR will it net any appreciable revenue by way of fines charged. BUT the Charleston law enforcement community gets to STEAL $40 grand from its hard working citizens and use it for the aforementioned vacations, hookers, and blow. The tertiary benefit, as always, is that 65 people will be forced to hire attorneys at rates on the average of $200 an hour. The cops benefit, the judges benefit, and the cops' and judges' buddies known as attorneys also benefit. So you see once again, everyone involved in the Justice System, except for individual citizens, benefits from this. La Costra Nostra would be proud of this level of organized crime.

Thankfully, this is not entirely just another story of the gestapo unnecessarily taking a shit on a good time and maybe something good will come out of it. Although the penalty is just a misdemeanor and paltry few hundred bucks, many charged are not taking that easy way out: They are choosing to fight.

Full Story Here

Let's wish them luck.

Screen Name of the Week

So far we've got four submissions:

"StackSmacker"

"ibetmywife"

“OutOfToiletPaper”

“StuckAssInFishBowl”

I got assworms

Well, it's final. In a blowout victory, "igotassworms" received 40% of the total vote to win the "screen name of the week" award. As was announced last week, readers of B.S.S.M. will submit nominations for the funniest, or most thought provoking, screen name they see on the internet. You know what? it doesn't even have to be on an online poker site. Anywhere you see, or make up, a screen name is fine. Even if it came from your favorite "I love Harry Potter" fansite or "Isn't Halo Just the SHIT!!" discussion board, it will still qualify.

The reader submitting the winning name will receive a free "Big Slick Small Money" T-shirt once I get around to making them. And since I submitted this week's winner, looks like my wardrobe will be upgraded....some day.

Courtesy of 50 Online Players

About 5 weeks ago I was staring out the window looking at the lake and cursing myself for playing online poker. It was 70 degrees on a Saturday afternoon and here I was hacking away at some $.50 - $1.00 cash game. "Caveman" I said to myself, "you need to get the hell out of your cave and go do something, anything but sitting here on beautiful late March afternoon." Just as I was thinking I couldn't be any more of a slug if I tried, my good buddy Phil called me with an interesting offer. "Dude, I just got a new bike, you wanna go mountain biking? you can ride my old one". I was tired and probably hungover but without a second's thought I said Hell Yeah.

Phil's one of those nonstop, do it all, all the time guys. Active as hell and in pretty good shape. Me? Well, I go to the gym 5 times as much as I want to but only half as much as I should and I really like beer. My right arm is slightly toned though, from dealing cards and occasionally moving around some 11.5 gram poker chips. Let's just say that I'm not at my fighting weight. Phil could climb The Matterhorn without stopping, I hadn't ridden a bike that requires pedalling in about ten years. But I do occasionally ride motocross, I was a local BMX champ in my early teens, and I do have the penchant for putting my bodily safety at risk. This was going to be interesting.

Phil threw all his old gear at me. "Here, you can wear this stuff" he said as I cautiously eyed a padless helmet and a Camelback drinking system that looked like he found it at Lance Armstrong's mother's garage sale back in '92. As he strapped on all his new gear and hopped on his new ultra plush, full suspension mondo kick ass mega bike, I felt underequipped, both physically and materially. But I was grateful as hell. I hadn't ridden in forever and it was time to get back on the horse.

Two minutes into the ride I was hooked. All it took was a few powerslides into the turns and about 2 feet of air off the first jump and that rush came back to me at once. We rode for about an hour and a half. I felt like someone just beat the shit out of me. His old, suspension-less bike had taken its toll on me. I was exhausted and most of my muscles were cramping but I couldn't stopped smiling. A good workout and having fun at the same time. Why the hell didn't I do this sooner?

As we loaded the bikes back into the truck I asked him how much one of those new fangled bikes with full suspension and disc brakes (yeah, just like a car!) would cost me. "Minimum of a grand for one worthwhile," he said, "guess you're gonna have to win a poker tournament." Hmmm, he had a point.

I immediately got heavy into it, riding 3-4 days a week. I spent the next few weeks riding his old dinosaur and my roommate's recreational level bike, knowing that sooner than later, I would need my own new ride. Phil's old bike was more of a torture rack, wrong size and old as hell, and Jeramy basically indicated I should either decide to buy his or move on.

Something needed to happen, soon.

Well, long story not so long, a little sun shone on this dog's ass the other night. As I often do, I grabbed a sixer of Sierra Nevada and plunked down $20+2 on the Bodog $6,000 guaranteed. I finished 2nd out of 319 players. And I should have won but my K-10 lost to K-9 just as I was about to capture the chip lead. With a flop of x-9-10 you tend to call your opponent's all in bet heads up w/ K-10. But another 9 came crashing down on the turn and I yelled a naughty word out loud. It happens all the time, better get used to it. My anguish and self pity came to a quick end, however, when the little box popped up saying "Congratulations, you finished 2nd in the tournament and won $1,035".

"THERE'S my new BIKE!" I yelled gleefully to nobody in particular and did a little dance.

I took that G down to Performance Bike and plunked it down on a nice new shiny Mongoose Teocali Comp. That's 4 hours in front of a laptop, well spent.

More on that later, gotta go ride.