24 Hours of LeMons

Ain't been much posted about poker lately. While my buddies from Burnley have all been feverishly running satellites to get into one of the $1,500/$2,000 donkaments out at the world series, I have been preparing for a much more noble cause: The 24 Hours of LeMons. What? I'm donning a chapeau and offering very little resistance, you say? Going to the land of croissants, cigarettes, and meaningless political demonstrations? No, not LeMans, I said LeMOns as in "lemons". The "24 Hours of LeMons", what the hell is that?

The 24 Hours of LeMons is a celebration of the human spirit, the will to survive, to triumph, to overcome adversity, and to drink beer. In the words of founder and organizer Jay Lamm The 24 Hours of LeMons is.....

Nasty. Brutish. Not Short Enough.
The crowd. The spectacle. The pall of blue smoke and roasted clutch discs. In all motorsport, no event captures the universal human need to whale on old crapcans and hoover down greasy barbecue like the 24 Hours of LeMons.

Each LeMons race is for cars purchased, fixed up, and track-prepped for a total of 500 dollars or less. But before reaching the grid, you'll have to survive trials like the Personal-Injury-Lawyer Anti-Slalom, the Marxist-Valet Parking Challenge, and the Wide Open Throttle Rodthrowapalooza. Twelve hours into the race, the car voted People’s Choice is called in and awarded a cash prize; simultaneously, the car voted People’s Curse is called in and summarily destroyed. At the end of 24 hours, a gala awards ceremony plies the survivors with trophies, plaques, and four-figure purses in canvas bags full of nickels.

My team, Howard J. Turkstra Motorsports will be one of 90 teams participating in this racing extravaganza, to be held at Carolina Motorsports Park July 26th & 27th. We have located and are in negotiations to procure a 1984 Nissan 200SX. Once in our possession we will then gut the interior, knock out the glass and put in a roll cage and racing seat. We will scour various junkyards of the Carolinas in a veritable scavenger hunt for spare radiators, rear end assemblies, tires, alternators, and our long forgotten sanity. The race will encompass two full days, with teams of 4-6 drivers each taking turns chasing the rabbit in their juiced up jalopies around the 1.1 mile road course under the inevitably blazing sun.

The crowd is forecasted to be slightly less than the temperature is forecasted to be. BUT, the event will be covered by various grass roots racing magazines and websites so if you've got something you'd like to promote, sponsorship space on the car is still for sale but going fast. For more information email me at krhussey@hotmail.com


"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke (1989)