Screen Name of the Week

I'm fairly certain that both of the readers of "Big Slick, Small Money" play at least a little online poker. I do as well and in the course of wasting more of my time than money, I have come across a few genuinely funny screen names. Some are meant to intimidate, some are meant to deceive, but these names are just meant to amuse. So, it got me to thinking (cue rising smoke) we should have a weekly contest to spot the funniest screen name (or just make 'em up).

Every week users will submit screen names they've either seen or fabricated, either way - it doesn't matter, and we will vote on the funniest. The weekly winner will be announced every Friday (or sometime hopefully by Sunday if I forget). Each week's winner will receive a free "Big Slick, Small Money" t-shirt, as soon as I start making them. No names with "420" in them will be accepted, that whole thing is way played out. To get us going, here's a few I've seen:

"ijustwentpoop"

"igotassworms"

"UglylikeLiebert" (mean but lets' admit it, pretty funny)

"Waiting4Gus"

User submissions will be accepted in the "comment" section.

Break Out the Brooms...

...'cause it's gonna be a sweep. That will be one Ulysses S. Grant, Mr. Buff.

Last night, the Pittsburgh Penguins continued their domination of the hockey world, embarrassing the New York Rangers in their home dump called Madison Square Garden. High scoring games, low scoring, rough and tumble...it doesn't matter. No matter how many goals the opposition scores, the Penguins simply score more.

In a development that will leave many Pens fans grinning between gulps of Iron City, it was learned after the game that New York's chief punk-ass Sean Avery had ruptured his spleen. It is reported he will make a full recovery, so there is nothing wrong with making fun of him. He's a douche bag and a habitual line-stepper but we wish no ill health on anyone. Make a full recovery Mr. Avery, so the Penguins can kick the shit out of you next year!

A victory in tomorrow night's game would make 8 in a row. Thank god it's not Detriot, where you'd have to be on the lookout for a flying octupus. Don't worry about that happening, the Ded Wings are an aging, decrepit collection of hockey fossils and also rans. They'll never win another 8 in a row and if they are so fortunate to emerge from the inferior Western Conference, they will be soundly defeated by the Pittsburgh Juggernaut. I will have no mercy for them, they just don't have a chance.

Happy Birthday Dale

Amid the scurry of getting out of town to see Widespread with Gosney, I was remiss to mention Dale Earnhardt's birthday yesterday.

Dale was obviously a god amongst men, the best race car driver ever to ever fire up an engine. He was also one of us. He came from nothing. He never kissed anyone's ass. Never smiled for the camera and said the right thing, never made excuses. He never sought the spotlight and he never ran from blame. He did what he wanted to do: WIN. He did what we all wanted to do. He just seemed to be a little better at it.

Dale was REAL. He was no character carved from some corporate vanilla, mass appealling mold. His goals, his aspirations, his talents, his flaws....we all felt them in us too. He humbly, quietly went about reaching his goals, climbing from the bottom, undeterred by any obstacle in his path, asking no favors and giving no quarter, on his way to becoming the best ever. To quote a line out of Jeff MacGregor's (my favorite author EVER) book "Sunday Money", when asked to describe the mystical appeal that Earnhardt garnered with all his fans, one of those fans, an RV dealership Service Manager in the midwest, simply answered "Well, he drove like I feel." That about sums it up.

Dale Earnhardt. The God of Thunder, Forever The Man.

Click Here for an article on Thats Racin

Quick Post

They just played a cut off of Slayer's classic album "Reign in Blood" over the PA system at the Penguins playoff game. Told you Pittsburgh is awesome!

VALUE CHECKING

The Scene: 1-2 Pot Limit Omaha.

Players: 4

Position: Cut off
On the button: Todd, a good solid player, especially in Omaha

I’m dealt Qh-Qd-7d-10s. I’m running good (for once!) and we were only 4 handed so I raised to $6. Todd called and both blinds folded. The flop was a juicy Qc-6s-2s. I threw out $10 and Todd called. There was now $35 in the pot. The turn was a 4c, a seemingly harmless card, no reason to overcharge here. I bet $20. He didn’t think long and made a smooth call. There is now $75 in the pot. At this point I’ve got to consider what he’s got. A big pair sticks in my mind but he called too easily so I add a flush draw to the reasons he’s putting chips in this pot. The river is a harmless 9 and this is where I think I will do something different the next time. I’ll tell you what I did shortly but first a discussion of philosophy.

The basic premise of poker is to force your opponents to make tough decisions. Although in No Limit Hold Em the tough decision is usually whether or not to commit their chips after you’ve bet at them or raised their bet. This decision almost always boils down to a simple “do I have a better hand than he does?” and chips are then moved accordingly.

Let’s say you’re you’re dealt J-J on the button. You make a raise and get one caller. The flop comes Kc-8h-9d. Not bad, one over and some draws. Checked to you. You bet about ¾ pot and get called. The turn is the 4h. You bet again, get called. At this point straight and flush draws are highly probable, maybe a king. The river is 5h. It’s checked to you. Unless you put your opponent on exactly 10s, betting here is usually not a good idea. As they say on the internet, it has "negative ev". You will only be called by a hand that beats you.

Well, to me I’m in the same exact situation in this Omaha hand but the positions are reversed. I will be only be RAISED by a hand that beats me. I’ve bet the whole way through and now it’s likely I have by far the best hand, Top Set, 2nd nuts in fact. If I bet, what can I expect to be called with? An underset is the only hand I can see paying me off but given the progression of this hand, I almost guarantee he does not have one. If he’d hit a set there would be a multitude of reasons for him to raise my bet on the flop .

The 5-3 is obviously the ONLY hand I fear. But he’d have to have some weird hand like K-K-3-5 for that to happen. My luck’s been bad lately, but hopefully not that bad. The case against 3-5 is overwhelming. Again, with the flush draws and ever present possibility of pairing the board on the river, he would have certainly raised the turn if he hit a set.

In this scenario, one that I feel is under-addressed in the realm of pot limit Omaha discussion, we are presented with the case for “Value Checking”. Betting into them makes their decision to fold way too easy. When your opponent misses their draws on the river, put them to a tough decision: They’ve missed their draws and now it’s time to decide “Should I bluff or not?” And the bigger the pot, the bigger the temptation they’ll have to try to steal it back. $75 is not a ton of money but he’s put $36 in there and he probably wants it back. He’s a gamer and to simply wave the white flag would not constitute a very high level of gamesmanship.

What did I do? I bet $35 but next time I won’t. He almost certainly has a hand he knows cannot win in a showdown. The temptation to bluff will be overwhelming. No straight, no set, big pot…Why not check and force him to try to steal it? Next time folks…..next time.

By the way, yeah – he put on a little “maybe I’ll raise” show and folded.

A belated 420 wish

Okay, I'm one day late but that's the way it should be on such an occasion as this. It was Sunday, so I get a pass on this one. Either way, if you forgot, happy belated 420 and as a token of my gratitude, below we have a classic clip from the Price is Right. Don't give up too early, at about 0:40 you'll see what I mean.

The Penguins are Steamrolling

In an almost embarrassing display of dominance, the Pittsburgh Pengiuns sytematically beat the living shit out of the weak ass Ottowa (where?) Senators. The Pens performed the only sweep of the first round of the NHL playoffs as Evgeni Malkin and Sydney Crosby diplayed offensive prowess reminiscent of the early 90s duo of Lemieux-Jagr

Because all the other teams in the east are lame asses who aren't worth a pair of used goalie pads, the Pens are gonna have to wait another day or two to see which collection of dirt surfers they will send crying to the golf course, or some hog farm in Moosejaw, Saskatchewan.

While we wait, click on the video below to see Ryan Whitney pounding the hell of Wade Redden. Weather's getting warm, days are getting longer, girls are wearing less, and it's the NHL playoffs. Damn! I love this time of year.

Circling the Drain

I’ve absolutely fallen apart as a poker player lately, particularly in tournaments. While it would better time spent to sit out on the sidewalk of Burnley drive every Wednesday evening, passing the time lighting 80 dollar bills on fire, one at a time whilst sipping on Gin and Juice, I keep trying. What it is that makes me so bad lately, I can’t quite put a finger on. Am I too tight, too afraid to bluff, too unsure whether the entry level nimrod, hustling over from another late night in the cubicle at One Wachovia, will have the intelligence to fold his middle pair? Or is it this insatiable desire to do stupid things? I don’t know but I do know that I’m playing like shit.

A little story for ya:

As is typical, last night I get some juicy starting hands in the first level of the tournament and I pick up a few chips. And then, as usual, I piss them away and immediately go on SST (Short Stack Torture), dragging around 10 big blinds, unable to speculate, and, like Larry Holmes in the twilight of his career, wielding not a single weapon but a feeble Sunday haymaker. A case in point from last night, should however clearly explain why I find myself starting the cash game for the last two months.

It was 50-100, the second round of blinds. Since there’s so much contemplating, posturing, ball scratching, and general coffee housing going on at our game, that probably means it was about the sixth hand of the night. Anyhow, BOC opens the pot for 300. In position I have AQ and I feel aggression is the order of the day. We both have chips (like I said, it’s early in the tournament) and I’m pretty sure he does not want to tangle without a really big hand. I make it 1100 to go. Darryl is in the small blind and after losing a decent pot, he’s down to about 6500. That won’t stop him though, he’s a calling station and it’s irrelevant that I think it’s quite perilous to put in 18% of your stack, most likely with Jacks, out of position, after a raise and a re-raise, when putting any chips in post flop will effectively commit the rest of your stack.

As much as I know Darryl, though, he knows me too. I put him on Jacks and he puts me on two big cards and if recent history is any indicator, ain’t no way I‘ll hit the flop. Whatever, he calls, pot odds dictate that BOC reluctantly calls. I don’t know what he has, it doesn’t matter, I have position and I’ll worry about him if he becomes a factor. There’s about 3500 in the pot. The flop is some kinda non threatening junk like 2-5-7. They both check. I know what I SHOULD do here but I just can’t help my self. I look down at my hand, moving independently of all the other oxygen and carbon in my body, effortlessly reaching for 2 orange chips and tossing them in the pot. Before I can even ask my hand why the hell he just threw 2000, in position, with big over cards, into the pot, Darryl moves all in.

His raise is 3475 more, which puts my dumb ass into quite a predicament. There’s now about 11,000 in the pot. I’m getting about 3.2 to 1 on the call. With 6 outs, using the rule of 4, I’m about 77 to 23 on the call, just about the exact odds I need to justify a call. But it isn’t about that anymore. It’s about how moronically I’ve played this pot. I should have either checked or just moved all in on the flop, getting the same odds but reversing the decision onto Darryl’s shoulders. Darryl plays the numbers, there’s no emotion in it for him. He knows from time to time that he’ll be quietly sipping scotch next to the fire, snuggled up with the jacks that just sent him walking from yet another tourney. But that’s the way it goes sometimes. A caller never, a bettor be.

Calling leaves me with about 6000, folding keeps me at 9500. So, if nothing more than to punish myself for my seemingly endless stupidity, I fold.

The simplest of concepts, swirling the drain of my mental capacity. I better get my shit together.

Idiotic Sports bets from the last Two weeks

Been a while....my poker game has once again fallen to shit so let's just not talk about it right now. I have been making silly bets on some of my favorite sports. I think the NFL withdrawal is finally letting go..... Let's see what's happened the last 10 days or so...........


Mar 22, 2008. Brad Keselowski (18 to 1) to win the Nationwide (formerly Busch) Race at Nashville. Yeah, I know both of you reading this have no idea who Brad Keselowski is but he drives for Dale Earnhardt Jr’s Bus..I mean Nationwide team and 18 to 1 is hard to pass up on a talented driver in top equipment. He did finish 4th.

Wagered: $6.67 Lost: It all

Mar 22, 2008. Clint Bowyer (+140) to finish higher than Kyle Busch in that same race. Busch has been on fire (not in a Ricky Bobby way, thankfully) especially in the series formerly of his namesake but his driving style still costs him in many ways. He wears out tires and his competitors, from previous experience, have NO problem getting into with him more than any other driver on the track. Plus, Clint Bowyer is a great driver in top equipment. I didn’t see it but someone spun Busch out of the lead late in the race. Thank You.

Wagered: $6.67 Won: $9.34

Mar 22, 2008. Brad Keselowski (-110) to finish higher than Stephen Leicht. Keselowski is in what I would call a “Positive Expected Value” position when it comes to betting on him in racing. He’s relatively young and unheard of, which will give him long odds. He is, however, in the best equipment on the track and the oddsmakers have not yet caught up to his current performance. They will soon but for now he’s like an undervalued stock and I’ll keep buying shares.

Wagered: $6.67 Won: $6.06

Mar 29, 2008. Washington Capitals (-130) vs. Florida Panthers

Sometimes I bet on hockey just so I have a reason to watch the game. With the Caps, though, I really don’t need to do that. Alexander Ovechkin is reason enough to watch any game. Next to Sidney Crosby, who plays for the best franchise in the history of competitive sport, Ovechkin is the most exciting hockey player to hit the ice since Mario Lemieux. And I knew they would pound the Panthers. An easy 10 bones.

Wagered: $13 Won: $10

March 29, 2008. PARLAY!

Tampa Bay Lightning (+115) vs. Carolina Hurricanes AND Under 6

Tampa blows this year. For the most part, they can’t beat a rented mule. But I noticed a couple things. Carolina had played a tough game the night before in Raliegh and then had to fly to Tampa. They were beat up and tired. Tampa, like I said, sucks. Sounds like a low scoring game, huh? Ok, so we got the under out of the way. Then I noticed Tampa is something like 15-5 vs Carolina the last 20 games in Tampa. Carolina has suffered a rash of injuries and it just looks like their heart is gone. Tampa would figure someway to squeak this out. And they did, breaking a 1-1 tie with about 8 minutes left in the game. I’m a genius!

Wagered: $20 Won: $63.95

March 30, 2008. A bunch of Heads Up bets on the Winston I mean Next….I mean Sprint Cup race at Martinsvillle:

Greg Biffle +105 vs. Kasey Kahne
Wagered: $9.52 Lost: All of it

Juan Pablo Montoya (-105) vs. Jamie McMurray. McMurray finally pulled his head out of his ass. Thanks Metro!
Wagered: $25 Lost: All of it.

Jeff Gordon (-165) vs. Kyle Busch. Keep trying shrub.
Wagered: $16.50 Won: $10

Kevin Harvick (-145) vs. Carl Edwards. Carl must have found a new ‘Roid dealer
Wagered: $14.50 Lost: All of it.

Jeff Gordon (-130) vs. Jimmie Johnson. Jimmie just don’t have his shit together right now.
Wagered: $13 Won: $10

So, in the last 10 days I have wagered $131.53, Won $109.35, and lost $55.69 for a net gain of $53.66. That may not mean much to you but to me that is one 1.75 Liter bottle of Ketel One with enough leftover to buy the gas to get to Frugal McDougal’s.


Next: Circling The Drain